mommy mumblings

a new favorite anthem

2010-09-16T05:09:00.003-05:00

Loving this song right now...we sang it this weekend at church and it gets alot of plays on my ipod, especially in these last few months.

What glorious things we have to look forward to when we put our hope in the Lord! And what a comfort to know that, even amidst the worst trials and lies that this life and satan have to offer, our Savior is already holding us. As we have gone through my latest flare up and another 3 month hospitalization, we have still been so blessed because we could feel that we were truly held by our Heavenly Father. We have also felt the support of all of you who have held us up in prayer when we felt we couldn't go on.
We truly know what it means to be held...by a loving community of faith, and by a Heavenly Father who doesn't just promise us peace in knowing that we will be in His arms someday in Heaven, but that He holds us right here and right now.

"You Hold Me Now"

On the day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to You alone

No weeping No hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now, You hold me now
No darkness No sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now, You hold me now

In this life I would stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fades

Where Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven rise to You alone

No weeping No hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now, You hold me now
No darkness No sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now, You hold me now

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name

No weeping No hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now, You hold me now
No darkness No sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now, You hold me now

No weeping No hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now, You hold me now
No darkness No sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now, You hold me now

christmas in august and a giveaway

2010-08-13T00:00:00.003-05:00

awesome giveaway over at Holiday with Matthew Mead...enter to win and order your copy of the magazine while you're at it! i can't wait to get mine in the mail!

arms of love

2010-08-04T22:00:00.004-05:00

i think my heart just broke into a million pieces. after matt and the boys visited, and it was time for them to go, i walked them to the stairs. i gave them their squeezes and smooches, turned around and started back towards my room. then i heard some yelling from the stairwell and little feet running behind me. and i heard a little voice saying, "mommy, mommy", his eyes already wet and red with tears. it was my sweet jack jack. i stopped and turned around to hug him and he just flew into my arms and held on so tightly, just sobbing for almost 10 minutes, saying, "mommy please come home. i miss you. i want to stay with you. i am sad when you are not at home. i love you. i want us all to go home" it was like something out of a movie...it wasn't like he was throwing a fit over having to leave, he was literally had a look of desperation as he ran towards me and when i swooped him up he was just flooded with emotion. my sweet, tenderhearted jack. we just sat in the hallway outside the stairwell, because jack was holding on with a grip that said he was not going anywhere for a while. after a few minutes sam came and curled up in my lap with jack and patted his bubba's leg. sam had already asked me his nightly question that breaks my heart. it's always the same from his precious little munchkin voice saying, :"mommy, you come wif us tonight?" oh i wish i could say YES! jack did not want to let go. like i said, he had a serious grip on me and he was literally sobbing. i just began praying over him and his breathing slowed down and he was able to relax. but then matt had to carry him down the stairwell and the sobbing began again.
when matt put him in the car, he just had to stay there and hold him a little more.
it was so precious and devastating all at once. i hate all of this for them. two little boys shouldn't have to be so familiar with all this suffering. i do already see God building in them a level of compassion that can only come from experiences like this, but that doesn't make it any easier when you have your babies in your lap crying saying they just want you to come home. jack is just getting to that age where he knows this is not just the norm for everyone and he worries more when he sees me get sick. he just has a tender heart...much like his amazing daddy. matt bears the weight of all of this, and i don't know how he does it. but he is fighting for our little family everyday.
they are on my heart and mind all day everyday. i spend the whole day looking forward to hearing those little feet running down the hall towards my room. i miss them so much, i ache for them. i long to be home with my babies so they can get cuddles anytime, and never have to say, "mommy please come home"

makes me think of a song i have loved for a long time, about the arms i am running into right about now...
I sing a simple song of love
To my Savior, to my Jesus.
I'm grateful for the things You've done,
My loving Savior, my precious Jesus.

My heart is glad that You've called me Your own.
There's no place I'd rather be than

In Your arms of love,
In Your arms of love.
Holding me still, holding me near,
In Your arms of love.

yeah, so i think it's now my eyes that are all red and wet and puffy from tears...all 3 of those boys sure do have a big hold on this heart of mine...oh, for more days like this picture below...

test by matt. pay me no attention

2010-07-20T16:19:00.001-05:00

getting back home

2010-07-04T12:44:00.001-05:00

i have this recurring dream, and i have had it many times during this five week hospitalization. while details change here and there, ultimately, it is always the same. someone or something (not exactly sure who or what) has taken me away from matt and the boys, and the entire dream is about me trying desperately to get back to them. it is one of those dreams that is so vivid that it almost seems real; so exhausting and heartwrenching that i am more tired when i wake up than when i fell asleep. but the one good thing is that the dream always ends the same way...i am back with my family, where i belong.

it doesn't take a rocket scientist to recognize the symbolism that my subconscious is creating for me. and, unlike in the dream, i know good and well who it is that wants to tear my family apart with this illness. but that is not going to happen. because no matter how exhausting and heartwrenching this journey...i can rest easy knowing that i
will get back to where i belong.

back in business...

2010-03-31T07:57:00.002-05:00

In the classic words of Conway Twitty...

"Hello darlin'...nice to see you...it's been a long time"

It certainly has been awhile...I feel as though I have neglected my original home here on the world wide web...little brothers "facebook" and "twitter" have kind of stolen focus from big brother "blogger" in the last year or so. Not to mention those two human children who require and deserve most of my time and attention...I've still been "mommy-ing", but mumbling...yeah, not so much.

Don't get me wrong...I didn't just turn my back completely. I'm not downright cruel. I still read lots of blogs faithfully. I didn't leave the blogosphere altogether, but I certainly haven't kept up my end of the relationship. I haven't even commented on any of the blogs I read, which makes me one of those creepy blog stalkers who knows way too many details about the lives of total strangers without sharing anything of myself. So, I am determined to climb out from the shadows and navigate the blogs openly once again.

This blog has always been special to me. A place to recall and record memories...celebrate the beauty of ordinary days...and share the hopes and dreams that I have for our little family. I just can't stand by and let poor big brother fear that he has been cast off into that dark abyss that is inhabited by the likes of *gasp* "myspace"...YIKES!

So...alas, I have returned to prove my love and loyalty to this little online journal, started almost six years ago by a new mommy just wanting somewhere to share all the thoughts and feelings that I have swirling around in my head and heart. As much as I do enjoy facebook and twitter and the ability to connect quickly...you just can't really capture everything with 140 characters or less. That's where blogger still has the market cornered... it's the perfect venue for combining depth and mindless rambling! Quirky randomness, fun pics and videos, and precious letters that my sweet children can read when they are older and I am long gone...it's all welcome here...and I'm glad to be back!

I am trying not to feel that ridiculous pressure that comes from that elusive "place" that is blogland...the pressure that i felt as a rookie blogger...the pressure to say something that is, all at once, genius, profound and hilarious. I've done it long enough to know that on the days when the pearls of wisdom are lacking there is always an adorable picture of my beautiful babies, an inspiring quote or scripture to share, a trendy product to endorse, an awkward story about bodily functions(never lacking in this household of three males and a mommy who can't keep solid foods down!), a funny youtube video, a recipe to share...and did i mention pictures of cute kids?

Yes, there is always plenty of material to choose from. And certainly, in the last year, we have continued to ride the rollercoaster that is our life. There has been lots going on while, at the same time, nothing has changed. I have lots of catching up to do...there has been overwhelming pain in losing my daddy, overwhelming frustration with our ongoing struggle with my disease and hospitalizations. I just got home 2 weeks ago from 3 months back in the hospital...yeah, i missed Christmas and yeah, that was miserable...actually, i didn't just miss Christmas...technically, I MISSED WINTER! And yet, there has also been the constant...overwhelming blessing in the love we feel from our Heavenly Father as He guides us and guards us and places people in our lives to hold us up when we can't take one more step. I have a husband who is the rock of this family and continues to lead us through this valley. He takes on so much and does it without complaint. I truly do fall in love with him over and over again as I witness his bravery, strength, devotion and selfless spirit...besides the fact that he is just darn HANDSOME! We have two precious boys who have had to learn some of the hard lessons of life that a 5 and 2 year old should not even know about. And yet, we also see the Lord preparing their hearts for service and compassion as they grow up witnessing His mercy in very tangible ways. I know that, while I would never wish these circumstances for them so young, they are being molded already into people who will truly understand suffering, longing and the necessity for a Savior in this fallen world. I still don't know how to navigate this world without my daddy in it...but at the same time I feel such comfort in knowing that my biggest prayer warrior is at the right hand of the Lord, receiving His reward and interceding on our behalf down here. There has been so much grief. But praises be that, while we grieve, we do not grieve as the world does...as those who have no hope. And oh, we grieve. We grieve for the kind of "boring" normalcy that is so often taken for granted...we grieve for the days and months and years that these circumstances have taken from our lives...we grieve for the prospect that this may be a thorn we are asked to bear for the duration of this life. But, more than that, we hope. Oh...Do We HOPE! We hope for the ultimate healing that we truly believe God can give in this lifetime if that is His will...we hope for the incredible future that we know He has in store for us, even amidst these struggles...and we hope and long for our home in Heaven in such a real way, where all of this pain and suffering will be a distant memory...and where I can hug my sweet daddy again. We are learning to pray for healing in a new way...we pray for and believe He can bring physical healing...and we KNOW that He can bring spiritual healing, no matter what the physical circumstance. We pray with EXPECTATION! We are learning to truly claim the power of the Holy Spirit that already lives within us. The power to rebuke Satan and his lies...the power to endure this darkness, whether that is for a short time or for the rest of this lifetime...the power to overcome and to have a full life on this earth as we anxiously await our perfectly redeemed life in Heaven. We have this hope because we serve a MIGHTY GOD! He is Jehovah Raphae. He is our healer. And He will never leave us...even (and especially) on the days when we are downright angry because we can't see Him. He desires and deserves our praise...and there is such freedom and comfort in knowing that He is praised through our brokenness. He is praised in our thankfulness and He is praised in our openness about our angers and doubts and fears. He is praised because His power is made perfect in our weakness. There are many many days that are so overwhelmingly dark...days when I feel cheated and weary and just don't think I can bear anything more...days when I desperately crave the energy to be a wife and mother...days when I don't know what to pray or even want to pray. I know in my mind, and believe in my heart, that our joy is going to be even greater when we reach the mountaintop because we have spent so many days down in the valley. And oh, I really do hate this valley. But while we are here in that valley I have witnessed the truth spoken in Isaiah 45:3 where we are told, "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." There is much to be learned where we are at, while we wait for where we so badly want to be...and we would be foolish to ignore that. WE WANT HEALING. But, our hope is not in the idol of health...our HOPE is in the GOD OF HEALING.

So...there we go...I guess we're back in business...this mommy is officially back to mumbling.

It always blew my mind that people would actually want to read anything that I had to say but, amazingly, they did! I will, most likely, have to regain that following since I went dark for so long. But even if no one reads, there is still something fun and empowering about feeling like you have a voice...and that maybe, if you can keep the delicate balance between sentiment, humor, and pictures of cute children...someone will listen!

Oh yeah, here ya go...cute kids!

cool video

2009-12-03T18:18:00.002-06:00

this documentary looks really cool...what a neat idea...i'm looking forward to seeing it, for sure...click the blog post title to watch the trailer...

random updates...and an important request

2009-05-20T02:10:00.007-05:00

well...it's been awhile...things have actually been going pretty well...it has been almost 6 weeks since i was last in the hospital, which is HUGE since over the last two and a half years i have been in at least once a month...maybe may will be the first month we get all the way through...let's pray for that one!

we just enjoyed an AMAZING trip to the beach with our sweet friends, the Critz fam...LOTS of PRECIOUS memories made...our kids all love each other...we love each other...and our oldest boys are pretty much inseparable...the trip would have been great no matter what, but in light of the fact that they are going to be moving to Austin soon...it was made extra sweet...it was such a great time to just get away and relax...to be together...to not worry about hospitals and illness for awhile...the weather was perfect and the crowds were low...perfect time of year to do it...we stayed at the Sandestin resort and it was BEAUTIFUL! i could write a novel with all the details of what we did...but i don't want to do that to anyone...i will just say again that it was an amazing time...we are so thankful for our friendship with this family and continue to be amazed at the way that God places just the right people in our lives at just the right time...it is just about the most precious thing to watch Jack and John(their oldest son) having so much fun together...they were just beside themselves with excitement! of course, we had moments of craziness, traveling that far with 5 young children...but that craziness was far outweighed by the blessings of fellowship, refocusing, relaxing...etc, etc, etc...

I'm going to post pics from the beach soon...but can't right now because for some reason my computer saved all of them too small and it's hard to really see our faces in alot of them...I spent over an hour uploading a ton of them onto my facebook and then realized that! so...i'm working on that...

here's a couple that are pretty cute...and they will be cuter when you can make out the faces better!

not too much else going on...i'm ready to go back to the beach anytime!
been doing alot of songwriting for the cd i'm working on...still having good days and bad days with my health...but still determined and hopeful...and BELIEVING that God is in control...i've been back at church, helping to lead worship and has been so great to be back on a regular basis...i hope that it continues that way...i'm still cautious and try not to completely wear my body down...but i also continue to try and push myself in hopes of becoming stronger and stronger everyday...

can't wait for some lazy days of summer with my boys...they both have birthdays coming up...not doing so well thinking about those...matt and i also have summer birthdays and our anniversary...so summer is always like one big party...last year, we had Sam's first birthday in a hospital room...i'm determined for that NOT to happen again...Jack is going to be 5 and mommy is going to be a wreck on that day! it just sounds so OLD...and he is looking older every day...it's crazy...but i couldn't be prouder of him...both of my boys are just precious treasures...they bring me so much joy...and i continue to be in awe of the man that i have been blessed with in matt...i can't imagine walking this road with anyone else...

***************************************************************************************
Just one more thing...but it is IMPORTANT! My sweet Aunt Donna, from Tennessee, is traveling to China this summer with a team from her church, led by Mary Beth Chapman(she is Steven Curtis Chapman's wife)...they are going to Maria's house...an orphanage named in honor of one of their adopted daughters who passed away in an accident...they will be working on the building, landscaping, rocking and loving on babies...striving to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the people they come in contact with...
most of my readers know my mom...and you know how selfless, loving and giving she is...how hard she works to do for others...how much she wants to help people...and the countless people she has touched...my Aunt Donna is the same way...right now, she is on a mission to collect money prior to the trip, in order to buy the special formula necessary for these hungry orphans they will be going to visit...i know, from the experience of having two preemies and one who spent a long time in the NICU, that this formula is EXPENSIVE...we're talking $500 for one case...it is vital to these precious babies' survival...My mom has gotten in on the effort at RHCC to try and help out...this has been a great teaching experience for my boys as well...my mom took alot of bottles and has them available so that our kids can collect their change for Maria's Milk Money...my boys have almost filled up their bottle and are so excited...i think we're ready to work on filling a whole gallon container maybe!

I would encourage you to visit http://www/showhope.org and learn more about how you can help in this effort...i know that you are able to donate online to help the organization in general, but in order to make sure your money goes directly to buy the formula, they ask that you write a check made out to "Show Hope", with "Maria's Big House formula" in the memo line...my aunt is also updating on her facebook page about the efforts...she is open to any creative suggestions anyone might have to make this endeavor a huge success...here's the link to her page...
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=54602082&ref=name#/profile.php?id=1442979422&ref=mf

Most of my readers are mommies...I hope that this tugs at your heartstrings...it breaks my heart that these children are suffering...in such a wealthy country no less...i know that you all have big hearts, and i hope that you will think about helping out in this effort...whatever you can do...and for sure, be praying for this trip...that lives will be touched in the name of Jesus...this is what it is really all about...

Desert Song

2009-03-16T00:16:00.006-05:00

I promise an actual post is coming...I know this technically doesn't count as my own original thought...but for now, it's the best I can come up with...I have definitely felt like I have been in the desert for awhile now...People I love are hurting and my own illness seems to be rearing its ugly head quite often as of late...and we are tired, so tired...a couple of weeks ago, Matt and I were prayed over by several people during a prayer service at church...it was specifically geared towards people who were suffering with illness or grief...sometimes I feel like we have worn people out of praying for us...I am so thankful that people continue to pray though...that night was powerful for Matt and me, because my illness continues to be a daily battle, frustrating to my doctors and to me...I long to be a better wife and mother...I long to be more than my energy and health will allow right now, and it just feels like we have been in this valley for so long...we have experienced so much blessing along the way also, and that is never far from our minds...I have the most amazing family, wonderful friends, and a husband who daily lives out his vows to me...I am constantly reminded that God gave me the exact right man to share my life with...He has strength for both of us when I am feeling weak and he takes on so much more than he should have to without ever complaining...we have certainly seen God shower us with many blessings throughout the last few years...I have definitely come to know God in an intimate way that would not have been possible without all of those hours spent in His throne room, begging Him for healing and for grace to endure...we know that God is shaping us through all of this...but oh, how we pray for a new quality of life...Suzy Jeffrey put it so well in her prayer over us that we just "long for a new direction...we feel like we have been on this road and we have seen this scenery before and we beg for something new"...we continue to take things one day at a time...not really another way to take it anyway...i have been back in the hospital in both January and February...so right now our goal is to get through March...baby steps...

And amidst all this...people that I love are hurting also...I feel like it is definitely my turn to take care of someone instead being taken care of, and it can get frustrating to not be able to physically do all that I wish I could...but I do have many quiet moments with the Lord, and many prayers are being said for others who I know are experiencing the desert right now...

I love this song because it is real and raw and speaks directly to my heart...I hope it can speak to your heart also...Obviously music is a huge part of my life...my mom recently mentioned how God has been so sweet in protecting my voice...I have always feared losing it as a result of so much damage to my esophagus and throat because of how much i throw up(sorry if that's TMI, but most of my readers are mommies and a little throw up doesn't phase us!)...and although I haven't been able to lead worship at church as much as I have in the past, I look so forward to those days when I get to...and somehow God gives me the strength to sing...and I think He is showing me in those moments that He still desires and deserves all of my praise...He has been so good to me...He has put a song in my heart and I refuse to let it be silenced...and in these past years that have been some of my hardest, He deserves more praise than ever...because as hard as it has been at times, HE HAS NEVER LEFT MY SIDE...I praise GOD that HE gave me a voice and a reason to sing...and I will still praise HIM, no matter what my circumstances, because even in my brokenness HE can be glorified...it is HIM who fills me up and helps me put one foot in front of the other...it is HIS SPIRIT that allows me to sing praise amidst my questions and fears...because no matter what trials we are facing, GOD IS ON HIS THRONE...what a blessing it is to SING PRAISE TO OUR GREAT GOD!

Music can speak so deeply to our souls, and this song has really been my anthem as of late...I have been singing it over and over again, reminding myself that amidst physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain...my own and that of those that I love...I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!

There have been many days when I do feel completely empty and dry...when I don't even feel like singing...but I HAVE A REASON TO SING...I refuse to let Satan take one single ounce of glory from my weakness...instead, I will trust in the POWER that is MADE PERFECT in that weakness...every blessing that the Lord pours out I will turn back to praise...because MY GOD is the GOD WHO PROVIDES...and in every season of life...HE IS GOD and HE IS MY VICTORY...this is only a season, and I refuse to take my eyes off of the one who can shape me through the fire...I will continue to pray for total healing...but until that day...I WILL BRING PRAISE...

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

ALL OF MY LIFE
IN EVERY SEASON
YOU ARE STILL GOD
I HAVE A REASON TO SING
I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP

ALL OF MY LIFE
IN EVERY SEASON
YOU ARE STILL GOD
I HAVE A REASON TO SING
I HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

("Desert Song", Hillsong)

Here is a video of the song, it includes a powerful testimony by one of the vocalists, and then plays the whole song...I pray that it blesses you today...no matter what desert we may be walking through...WE HAVE A REASON TO WORSHIP!

beaten, but not brought down...helpless and yet still hopeful

2009-01-22T12:33:00.003-06:00

I am glad to have been back home from the hospital for the last few days. I made through a full day by myself with the boys yesterday, which is a big accomplishment for me when I am just days out from hospitalization...we have to take joy in those little victories!

I have to admit it was a frustrating feeling to be back in a hospital bed after my longest stretch at home in 3 years(almost 3 months...little victories, people). It was a pretty uneventful stay...they mostly treated my acute symptoms(the usual-horrific pain accompanied by what is probably horrific throwing up to most people-I am not very phased by puke anymore...sorry, it's gross but true) and then they laid low so as not to "provoke the beast", if you will(the beast better known as my digestive system, in case you aren't familiar). The biggest question mark still seems to be what it is that triggers these flare ups...we still don't know and don't know if we ever will...I had an appointment with my internist today(a man who deserves a whole post of his own...he is one of the smartest doctors I have ever known and one of the most compassionate human beings I have ever known...which you may not know is NOT always the case...in fact, not usually the case). He always reassures me and advocates for me and we say many prayers of thanksgiving for him all the time.

So while it seems that this rollercoaster ride has not come to an end as we hoped...it is still moving more slowly. We had been warned to be "cautiously optimistic" by my docs, and the week leading up to this last episode, I knew I was going down a familiar road...I do know my body pretty well by now. While it was discouraging...we continue to be touched by the sweetness of our God and how much better things have gotten. Never far from our minds is just how far we have been carried. And while it seems that we are still on this crazy ride...one that we know we may actually face for the rest of our life...one thing that has never changed is the amazing grace we have felt... from the Lord in His provision and protection, as well as the community He has surrounded us with in those deepest darkest parts of the valleys...we look forward to those little mountaintops as we press on in the journey towards that day when this pain will be gone for good...and we praise God for the people that He has placed in our path to help temper that pain with joy.

It's me...Mimi

2009-01-12T20:12:00.002-06:00

September 18 may not seem like very long ago to you, but we sure have enjoyed some good days since then. That is when Christine had her endoscopic ultrasound where they found stones in her pancreatic duct. It hasn't been totally smooth sailing since then, but it has been better. More good days than bad days. She was taking care of her family, doing all the things she had missed so much. Jack and Sam really had no interest in coming to Mimi's or Giggi's house much. And you know, that was ok with us!!! She was able to enjoy Thanksgiving at our house and the holidays with the Pinsons in Smithville with Giggi's family. She has been singing again at church - amazing that through all her trials, God has protected that precious voice!

She enjoyed date night with some sweet friends on Friday night, even though she wasn't feeling great. And, we enjoyed some wonderful time with those boys! But, later in the night, she became quite ill and just couldn't get it under control. As per the doctor's instructions, Matt took her directly back to the Medical School and they admitted her and got her on fluids and are trying to control her pain. The doctor came in today - they will let her rest a couple of days and try to get the nausea and pain under control and then decide what to do.

I don't say it all as eloquently as Tine does, but I hope this kind of explains what is going on with her right now. I will keep you updated here and via Facebook. For now, will you please pray for her right now...that God will give her relief. Will you pray for Matt's safety as he drives there to see her? And will you pray for Jack and Sam that they will continue to be the brave little boys Matt and Christine are raising them to be. Jack told me last night..."don't worry, Mimi. Don't you know that God will make Mommy well?" He even asked me if I wanted to read him the Bible instead of a story book at bedtime. His precious prayer was simple..."God, it's me....Jack. My mommy is in the new new hospital and she was crying. I know you will make her better. And help Sam too."

Blessings...

just another update...

2008-11-05T13:50:00.004-06:00

I promise that I am going to post some pictures of my sweet boys soon...For some reason I am having trouble posting pictures here and on facebook...very frustrating.

But I just wanted to say that, yes, I am still here. I am still trying to make it through each day, and am very grateful to still be at home and not back in the hospital. I have very good days, and there are still some very bad days. I am not at all complaining, just hoping to clarify because I know it can get confusing. We did have a great breakthrough with the surgery that they were able to do during my last hospital stay; my doctor thinks its been one of the biggest breakthroughs we have had. But I am still dealing with the other issues that have been there this whole time. They have not gone away. Rather than being like a key and a lock, my health is more like a big puzzle, with several pieces. We have several of those pieces...some things have been treated, some require ongoing treatement, and some we just don't know how to treat so we learn how to manage instead. While they found the stones and removed those, and have done two surgeries to open up my bile ducts, I still deal with the pancreatitis, gastroparesis, abnormal liver function, and adhesions from all my scar tissue. My doctor has been very sure to remind me of this. He says that I am not cured, but stable. And we want to keep it that way as long as is possible. I still have to be very careful...with what I eat, with how much I exert myself...but I am also still trying to push myself. But I am also still praying every single day for complete and total healing. No matter what the Lord's answer, I am grateful for each good day that He gives me. On some days there might only be good moments...and I am grateful for those too.

Like I have said before, I know that God owes me absolutely nothing...and I have already been blessed beyond what I could imagine. He has carried us through so much, and has given us new eyes to see and a new peace with whatever our circumstances. I hope this doesn't sound negative...and I hope this doesn't discourage anyone...because prayers have been answered...we have been given more answers than we had before. And I am learning how to better manage my other ongoing health issues, so that I can have a better quality of life. Does this mean I will never be in the hospital again? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know. But I have learned to be grateful for today...to rejoice in the moment and to delight in the small things. And that has made a huge difference in my life.

I am so thankful to be at home with my boys and to be doing more and more things that feel...normal. It has been good to see friends that I haven't see in so long...friends that have been such a great support for me and for my family. I can't say it enough that we would not be making it through all of this without the wonderful community of friends and family that surrounds us. We have been so blessed by the prayers of so many, and we continue to ask for prayers for healing and for peace with whatever God's will is as far as my health. Sometimes it feels selfish to continue to ask for prayers, when people have been praying for so long and when others around us that we love are also going through very hard things. But I know that is silly, because we serve a God who is big enough for all of it, and who longs for us to cry out to Him. So we will cry out. No matter what happens, we have grown closer as a family and closer to the God who gives us new life every day. We have new appreciation for the verse that tells us His mercies are new every morning. I just try to keep my eyes and heart open and then, even on the darkest of days, I can still see blessing and still feel His presence.

I'll leave you with another verse that I have known all my life; that has taken on a whole new personal meaning for me. While I can't say I have perfected this, I am getting better at being content, and relying on God for my strength to get through each day. After all, when I am weak, He is strong. And He is always faithful...no matter how hard the day is...it will come to an end...and I CAN get through it...because my strength doesn't depend on whether I am sick or well...

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.~Philippians 4:12-13

TRUTH

2008-11-04T12:44:00.003-06:00

Psalm 22:27-28

All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,

for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given you a spirit of fear;
but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Romans 13:1

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities,
for there is no authority except that which God has established.
The authorities that exist have been established by God.

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart!
I have overcome the world.

Psalm 33:11

But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

Psalm 47:8

God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.

There are so many more verses that I could post here that are so relevant on a day like today. I just hope that, no matter what the outcome, we will all stop a moment to be still and remember who is on the throne.

Just some thoughts in 2008

2008-10-30T23:50:00.004-05:00

I do not want to get into any political debates. I am thankful to live in a country where we are free to vote for what we believe is best, and today I did just that.But before I am an American, I belong to the Kingdom of God. And I am just very saddened by the way that a very well known Christian organization has chosen to use fear tactics in an attempt to sway people.

Link to "Letter from 2012 in an Obama America"
(http://focusfamaction.edgeboss.net/download/focusfamaction/pdfs/10-22-08_2012letter.pdf)

No matter who you are voting for, this letter does not reflect the spirit of Christ. And no matter who you are voting for, GOD IS IN CONTROL, and He has not given us a spirit of fear. I just find this letter divisive and sad, and it has absolutely nothing to do with who I do or do not want in the White House. It has more to do with the God I know, who is over all and in all, and who created and loves imperfect people, not democrats and republicans. There are lots of things that could "possibly" happen, no matter who is in office. In fact, there probably could be a letter(not even hypothetical) written, looking back from 2004, that includes some very horrible events. I can see how a non-Christian may be motivated in their voting by fear, but as children of God, we have been delivered from fear. I just think things like this are what turn people away from the Lord, not towards Him. And as Christians, isn't THAT our job? Not to slander our brothers or to tell people who to vote for or not vote for...but to point people to Christ. I just pray more than anything, that non-Christians will not view this letter as a true picture of who God is, or the kind of people He wants us to be. Jim Wallis wrote a good response...

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jim-wallis/james-dobsons-letter-from_b_139253.html)

I am not endorsing a candidate here. I just want people to remember that on November 5th...no matter what the outcome...God will still be on His throne. And I just don't see how something like this does anything to proclaim that.
So blue, red, or somewhere in between...praise God that HE holds the future in His hands.

coming up for air

2008-10-19T01:28:00.004-05:00

People keep asking why I haven't updated lately...to tell the truth, it is a little overwhelming. I know, I should not let myself get overwhelmed by a BLOG! But there has just been so much going on and it is hard to know where to start. But I am going to try and at least give a little update...not because I think people are just on the edge of their seats waiting to read my latest blog entry...but because I know that so many people have gotten on their knees and gone to the Father for me countless times...especially in the last two years...and if nothing else, I need to continue to say thank you to all of you...those I know, and many that I may never know. Your prayers are so very appreciated. And as I have told many people...I really do believe that God has been working on me through all of this...working on my marriage...on my kids...on my whole family...but I am also convinced that God is bringing me through all of this for reasons far beyond myself and any way I can point it all back to Him, and maybe even touch someone else, I am going to try.

So, if you have read the post previous to this one, you know that I just recently returned home from another long hospital stay at UT Southwestern in Dallas where I saw another set of specialists. I was able to have a very specialized test done, where they were able to identify a blockage and some stones that have probably been there for a very long time. They would not have been able to see this without this specific test that is only done at that hospital. The next morning they did yet another surgery on me to clean all of that out and hopefully give me some relief. It is not a cure-all, but it is definitely a huge piece of the puzzle that has been missing this 10 years. We were in the right place at the right time with the best doctors possible...not a coincidence of course! The test that they did is very rare and specialized, and we were so fortunate to be in the hospital that has one of the leading doctors in that area of specialization. As my main internist said..."We just had to wait for technology to catch up with Christine's body"!

I have been at home for a couple of weeks now and I am slowly trying to return to normal activities...I have actually made it through a whole week with the boys all by myself...which in any other case, would make me feel like a horrible mother...but right now, feels like a big accomplishment! I am definitely feeling better than I was...which really doesn't say much considering I was at one of my lowest points prior to this last hospitalization. But really...I can tell a difference. I am not completely healed, I still have good days and days that are not so good where I can't eat and have considerable pain...but like my title says...I feel like we are finally coming up for a long awaited breath of fresh air, after a very long time of feeling like we were drowning.

We truly believe that we serve a God who can, at any time, choose to heal me completely in an instant. But through all of this, I have also been blessed with a peace even at the thought that I may have to deal with some level of pain for the rest of my life. Thanks to my wonderful team of doctors though...that level seems like it will be much lower and more manageable. I am still on quite a bit of medication, and will be for awhile. I still have to be very careful not to overexert myself, and of course with what I eat...and I follow up with my doctors very regularly to try and avoid flare-ups and hospitalization. Luckily, now that we have this team of specialists in place that are familiar with my complicated medical history...if I do have a flare-up my internist just wants me to go straight to Dallas and avoid any unnecessary ER visits or testing, so that I can hopefully start getting treated much more quickly and efficiently(a HUGE blessing). So as excited as we are...I am trying to be careful and patient. I know that it is going to take awhile to get back to 100%. My energy level and immunity is low and I am still considerably weak, just from being sick and in a hospital bed for so long. So I am taking it slow, and just trying to push myself each day to do a little bit more than I did the day before.

It has been wonderful to get out of the house more...especially with this AMAZING weather...Fall is my FAVORITE! And I am just enjoying being with my boys and being able to play with them more. Jack asks me almost every day, "Mommy, are you feeling so much better? You don't have to go to the hospital today, do you?". It breaks my heart, but also brings me joy that my son, at only the age of 4 is able to know God as Jehovah Raphae, our Healer, on such a personal level. We are able to show him tangible ways that God has answered the prayers we have prayed for so long now. I know that this has affected him deeply, probably more than we know...and I also know that God is already preparing in him a heart of compassion for those who are hurting. And my sweet Samuel...what a testimony he already has...of God healing both him and his mommy! And he is my little cuddlebug! If I can catch him, that is! He is all over the place...but it is so fun! He finally gave in and started saying "Mommy" and it is truly the sweetest thing I have ever heard...I could listen to him say it all day long!

I got to sing with the worship team and praise band for the first time in awhile at church a couple of weeks ago. It was so great to be able to do something that I love so much, and also something that just felt normal for a change. I was able to sing the song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns, which I first sang at church about a year ago, not long after Sam was born. I don't usually let myself get emotional about songs that I am singing...I can usually separate that, while still trying to be authentic and heartfelt in my praise. But I had more trouble with this song than I probably ever have with any other. It is a hard song to sing vocally...and especially emotionally...probably for anyone. But with all we have been through in the last two years, and are still going through...it was all I could do not to break down in the middle of the song. I knew in my heart that the Devil did not want me to sing that song. And that is really what got me through it...knowing that above all, no matter what the ultimate outcome is with my health...I will not allow Satan to steal our joy...GOD WILL GET ALL THE GLORY. So, it may not been the best that I have ever sang as far as vocal quality, but I have probably never meant what I was singing more. If you have never heard the song, I would urge you to look it up...or even just read the lyrics...they are powerful because they are real. They don't say...I will praise you when everything is wonderful and easy...instead, they say...I am hurting and I don't know where you are sometimes in all of this...but I do know that you have not left me and I will praise you amidst it all, because the God that I serve is bigger than anything I am going through. Matt and I were able to share some of our story and faith journey with the middle schoolers at Fort Worth Christian this last week, and I loved what Matt said to them. He told them that he had obviously prayed alot of prayers for me throughout all of this. Some were very proper and positive. And some were full of doubt and even anger about where God really was in all of this. And then Matt said to those kids...I hope that you know that God is big enough to handle both kinds of prayers. What he wants from you is to be authentic and to continue to cry out to Him. PRAISE GOD for that! I am so thankful that God knows our hearts and that He hears our prayers even they come from our darkest, and most ignorant places. I don't know where I would be without the prayers of so many. It is really and truly humbling to hear from people that I love and of people that I have never even met who have committed so much time and love to lifting me up in prayer. I am so grateful. I would ask that you continue to pray for us...for our peace in all of this, for continued healing and strength, for more answers if more questions arise, for our attempt to return to somewhat normal life...and most of all, to THANK GOD for his healing grace.

My mom shared some verses with you in the last post that have really meant alot to me lately. It really is amazing how alive the word of God is, and how words you have read many times can be so fresh and new to you...how they can be just what you need to hear and how God uses exactly the right verse to speak to your heart at exactly the right time. I turned to another verse the other day that was also like this. It echoed the exact sentiments I am feeling lately. Because as much as I have cried out the Lord, even with anger and frustration at times, for healing, I know that He owes me absolutely nothing. This makes it all the more amazing to look back and see how greatly he has blessed us. I really want to find a special way to place this verse visibly in our home, so that we can always be reminded of just how much God loves us, and much He has carried us through...
It is 2 Samuel 7:18 and it reads,
"Who am I, O Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"

I know that I am nothing. And yet I know that He has brought us to where we are because He loves us and because He has more for us. I have no doubt that better days are ahead, and I can't wait! But I also don't ever want to forget those moments in the deepest valleys where all we could do was hold on HIM. I truly hope that from this point I can live my life with a gratitude that reflects the many blessings He has poured out on my family. I have been sick for so long, that sometimes I think I may not even remember how to be well. But I know that even though my human body is not whole, my spirit is whole in Christ. I may not be able to run a marathon, my body may be a little older than the actual number of years it is been alive, and I may never receive an absolute clean bill of health. But I can live my life...pointing to the one who gave me life, the one who has saved my life over and over, and the one who will, one day, carry me into true and everlasting life.

I am going to try to be better about updating...keeping everyone posted on my condition...but more importantly...getting back to fun posts about my kids with cute pictures of course!

Transforming...

2008-09-18T23:19:00.012-05:00

I (Mindy/Mom/Mimi) am posting for Christine tonight at her request. About two and a half weeks ago...after being at home for almost a month...her longest stretch yet in the last two years...she began to have another relapse. She worked hard to stay home as long as she could, but after five days straight of being violently ill, when she began to vomit blood, she decided couldn't wait any longer. She is in the hospital and has been for about a week and a half. However, this post is not one of sadness or fear...it is not one of hope lost...it is one of joy, and hope...in it's greatest form.

Early today, she opened her bible to Psalm 41:3. This would not be anything unusual if the circumstances had not changed today. Let me back up and share with you the events of the past 24 hours.

Last night, at church, the entire service was dedicated to a time of prayer for healing. Before the prayer time began, Rick, our minister, gave a few words about what we would be doing during our time together...praying for healing for those who needed our prayers so badly. And, from the pulpit, he mentioned Christine. How she could not be there last night, but needed the prayers of everyone. How she has suffered for ten years and how the doctors have worked so hard to find an answer for her and Matt and her precious boys. Then, during the service time, we had the opportunity to be prayed over by the shepherds of our church and Roy and I prayed with James and Ann Bankes. After church, many people told me that they, too, had prayed over Christine during that time together. I also found out today that Emily's small group had prayed for Christine specifically last night during their time together. Now, we have prayed...ALOT...over the years. But what makes this a little different is that so many prayers were lifted up for her just before what doctors thought could be a groundbreaking procedure. When a group of her sweet friends, the mommies of her babies' sweet friends, heard that she was in surgery, they stopped at that moment and prayed. We have really learned what it means to have friends who truly share in our sufferings and our joys.

Today, Christine had a procedure that is very rare; very specialized. It was done by the man who is said to be the best one to do it as well. And while they were doing it, they found something that could very well provide an answer that would be huge in Christine being able to resume life in a more normal way! While looking at her pancreas to see if it had suffered any injury or damage, they discovered that she has several stones in her pancreatic duct that are causing a serious blockage. The unusual thing is that she had her gallbladder removed 10 years ago during her 6 month bout of severe pancreatitis... at the same time this whole nightmare began to unfold. It is possible for the body to make stones even after the removal of the gallbladder if it produces a lot of bile, which her body does. But, it is also possible that when the gallbladder was removed that there were stones in the duct that stayed there. Although one specialist hinted at this possibility years ago, it was never followed up on. Tomorrow morning (Thursday), the doctors will do a procedure to remove the stones. There is also a possibility that she may need to have repeat procedures for her liver problems as well, something that was also noticed in her blood work yesterday. And once again, the doctor who has done those surgeries is said to be the best in the country...right here in Dallas...coincidence? I doubt it.

Will all this cure her completely? We don't know. But we do know this...that the removal of these stones should greatly improve the quality of her life by removing something that is known to cause great pain and illness. And while we were talking tonight, Christine shared with me that one of her greatest praises from today was not even what was found, but what was not. She has kept a personal fear inside now that when they finally did get to have this procedure they would find something life-threatening. And when one of the last words she heard the doctor say to her, before she was wheeled into the operating room, was cancer...that fear began to creep up again. She doesn't usually get nervous before surgeries, as she has had many...but she told me she was lying on that table and just started shaking and fidgeting. And, at that very moment, she said that the Lord brought one of her very favorite verses to mind...the verse that hangs right on the inside of her front door, so that she will see it every time she leaves her home to go out into the world...that verse in 2 Timothy 1:7, that says,
"For God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind".
GOD has been faithful in granting Christine peace in the possibility that on some level she will probably deal with her illness for the rest of her life. And while we count her wonderful team of doctors and specialists and great advances in medicine as blessings from God...it is because of that spirit that only comes from HIM, that we will continue to hold to the belief that our LORD can and may choose to completely heal her in an instant...But either way...Christine has come to know Him intimately as her Jehovah Raphae.

I cannot tell you the last time I felt such hope for her. I have always believed that, through all her pain and suffering, God has a greater purpose for her. She has suffered for so long, and the depth of her health problems could have caused death on a number of occasions...yet our Father chose to spare her. Though I am her Mama, and may be a little prejudiced, I truly believe that God has used her life to bless others in ways that we may never know on this earth. We have all prayed for the day that she can get up and be what she has always wanted to be...a wife and mommy whose life glorifies the LORD. She has lived that role up to now, despite her health problems. But she wants more...and I believe she is going to be blessed with more than we could imagine.

And then there are her precious babies...they are her joys, and can put a smile on her face even on the darkest of days. Sweet Jack...he's been through so much, but through it all, he has loved his mommy, whether cuddling on the couch or in a hospital bed. And while he is getting to an age where he is asking more questions and knows that something is not quite right, Christine has believed for some time now that God is preparing in him a heart full of compassion...a heart that truly hurts with the hurting. And baby Sam...while some of the scariest times in Christine's health problems were while she was pregnant with him...they will forever share a precious bond because of that time filled with quiet whispers of hope for the great purpose she knew already existed for his little life. His life has been blessed by having Christine as his mommy, but I can just imagine all the wonderful memories they can make when she feels so much better.

Her verse today from Psalm 41? "The Lord will sustain you on your sickbed and restore you from your bed of illness" (NIV).

Christine said that she was especially touched by the wording in The Amplified Bible version which says, "He will transform you in your illness".

Christine told me earlier today that she believes that all she has gone through has certainly transformed her and will continue to transform her for years to come, refining her spirit and making her more of the person He wants her to be and that she longs to be also. When Matt and Christine got married, she asked her Daddy to say a few extra words before he "gave her away". To get his inspiration, he looked through her Bible. When he came to the passage in Psalm 31, he found these words in her notes..."I want to be the woman in Proverbs 31. I want to be transformed into the woman God wants me to be and to serve Him all the days of my life".
Even then, the LORD was preparing her heart for these trials and transformation, and preparing the heart of that precious young groom who would stand beside her through it all. I have said it many times, but not a day goes by without Christine's dad and I thanking GOD for sweet Matt Pinson...we watch with joy as he daily lives out the vows that he made to our oldest daughter just five years ago. They have weathered much in that short time, and will no doubt face many more trials. But we can say with great confidence that there is no man in the world that we could have chosen who would love Christine in the way he does...in that exact way that we prayed for since she was just a child...as Christ loves His church. We have all walked this journey together, and there have been many valleys. But I have a feeling that we are on the road to days that are much sweeter. I have a feeling that mountaintops are coming into view.

Christine also told me tonight that two words have been on her heart alot lately...words that she has heard often from the Jeffrey women (some of the wisest women we know!). I know that she will have those words in her heart tomorrow, and as this journey continues...They may be simple words, but they are words that can transform our thinking...so please join us and EXPECT BLESSING.

Pray

2008-08-27T21:35:00.003-05:00

Yes, I am still a slow poke...there is still much to blog about...but for now, this is top on the list.

Please sign up HERE to pray for our sweet friends, The Carders, as we all await the arrival of precious Ella Hope. So many of us pray daily for this amazing family...please take a moment to sign up and commit to pray in these days before she is born. We already know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, and can't wait to meet her. Her name is so fitting, because she has already reminded us, even before her birth, that our HOPE is in the LORD.

Slow poke...that's me

2008-07-30T22:08:00.004-05:00

I'm working on a new post, but it's still not done...these days it takes me alot longer than normal to do just about everything-that, and we've had alot going on as far as our personal family holidays...for now, go over to Matt's blog and read the precious post that he wrote about our family summer. I love my sweet husband.

The Waiting Room

2008-06-22T18:25:00.006-05:00

Emily here again, AKA Tine's personal blogger...well, i know we all have spent some time in a waiting room before. Some of us waiting on the news of a loved one's surgery, some of us waiting to hear if its a boy or a girl, and some of us just waiting on the nurse to finally call us back for our appointment. I know I have waited in a line at six flags for the giant or the flashback for well over an hour. I know I have waited in line at target for as long as it took to get the items on my grocery list plus the shirt I just thought I had to have. I have waited in lines at toys r us at the crack of dawn the day after thanksgiving with my sis or aunt to make sure their kiddos got just what they wanted for Christmas. I have waited for pay day to come, I have waited for the weekend, I have waited for a husband, and I have waited for the clock to strike 5 so I can head home from work. I am sure you have waited for these things plus more. You have probably waited on your first roast to be all the way cooked. You have waited on your husband to get home from a business trip. You have waited for the timer to go off to go and check the 3rd pregnancy test you bought. You have waited for the mailman to bring that package from banana republic for that dress you ordered online last week. You have waited for summer, for the loan to be approved on your dream home, and for him to propose.

Christine has waited for all of these things-but she has waited for answers. She has waited for peace. She has waited for relief. She has waited for a chance at normalcy. She has waited for a miracle. She has waited upon the Lord. She has waited for ten years. Today I was visiting Christine when she was told to wait some more. They may be sending her home from inpatient care soon, and proceed with several specialists in outpatient appointments. They have some ideas as to what is going on, but no solid answers. They want a team to come together to treat her case. Well, this was hard for us all to hear, but especially the one that has been waiting longer and harder than any of us. But, there is encouragement to be found that although the road may be long-it is a start. I told Tine today that most people after waiting ten years may have just given up, but not my sis. She wants answers and she will wait as long as it takes and with as much strength as it takes because of those two boys that call her mommy, a husband that will wait with her and hold her when the waiting gets long, and a God of miracles that she serves with faith.

So maybe next time you are waiting in line at the gas station to make that dreaded purchase of necessity, and the next time you are waiting for the school year to end, or the next time you find yourself waiting in line in a drive-thru huffing that fast food is never fast enough, or when you wait on your three-year-old to get over her tantrum, or even when you wait at the gym for the treadmill that is being hogged by the skinny lady that really doesn't look like she needs to run any longer-say a little prayer for my sister and for her wait. We all know she will eventually have to wait no more, but while she does-pray.

I'll let you know more as we do.

JACK SAYS HE LOVES HIS MOMMY!

SAM'S FACE LIGHTS UP WHEN HE SEES HIS MOMMY!

WE ALL LOVE YOU!

L.Y.L.A.S ~your personal blogger

Tine's Personal Blogger/ HAPPY BDAY SAM!

2008-06-18T22:35:00.006-05:00

I am taking it upon myself (Emily, Christine's younger sis) to update her beloved blog as a way to continually update all of y'all on her condition. For those of you that don't know already, Christine was placed in the hospital this morning severely dehydrated and in extreme pain. This time they went to UT Southwestern Medical in Dallas. This renowned teaching and research hospital is where Tine's doctors have been trying to get her a referral to for sometime. At this teaching hospital, they will constantly be testing her chronic pain and illness to actively try and find a solution to this ongoing problem. She told me it is just like grey's anatomy-for all of you fans out there...she said one doctor comes in followed eagerly by Izzy and Georges...anyways, I want you all to be able to seek the updates you want here on her blog so you can know just what is going on and what to pray for! We all know Matt, Christine, Jack, and Sam have had a long road already, along with our families. I was thinking today, that it was almost 10 years ago that her illnesses began! God has been faithful in blessing her with an amazing husband and two of the most precious kiddos in those ten years-so we know without a doubt He is faithful! I will update you as often as I can. Thank you all for the ways you pray for this family, and find all the ways to help out and encourage us all as we face this. Your love has not gone unnoticed.

In other Pinson news, Christine would not be pleased if I did not include a picture montage of her ONE YEAR OLD BABY BOY, SAM! Happy 1st Birthday, Sam! You are a gift! We love our Sammy!

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY, SAMUEL RAY PINSON!

beautiful day...beautiful boys

2008-05-04T23:49:00.004-05:00

Here's some shots from our photo shoot at the Botanic Gardens a few weeks ago...Matt got some really great pics of the boys...I don't think I am even being biased when I say that...or when I say those are some super cute kiddos!

So...which one is your favorite???

Great Kids Shows

2008-05-04T18:13:00.004-05:00

One of the great things about not having cable is that we actually don't watch that much TV. But when we do, we are still able to get what I think is the best programming for kids on PBS. The educational value, the slower movement, and just the cleverness of each of the shows is enough to even keep me entertained!

Two of Jack's favorite shows right now are WORD WORLD and POCOYO.

Word World is on PBS and has just been another great tool for us as we are learning to read. All of the objects are actually made out of the letters that spell that word, so it is a great visual tool for the kids. Target also has some great merchandise that goes along with the show.

Pocoyo was actually found on one of his Word World DVD's and then we found it on YouTube and then also found the WEBSITE. It is just a cute little show about a little boy. I like it because of the simplicity. Jack loves anything that resembles claymation...maybe a future artist like his daddy...hmmm?

Anyways, just thought I would put in a plug for these two shows because they are really very good. I know if you are like me that you want the time your child spends watching television to still be quality time. Happy watching!

my sissy...(written at an earlier date)

2008-04-29T19:15:00.002-05:00

I almost lost my sister today. In an instant, so many emotions flooding through my mind as I thought of my life without my very best friend-the one that I can fight with like no other, and love like no other. As I sat on the side on the emergency room that I am not familiar with, I tried not to think about the visual replay I was having in my mind through the pieces of the story I had to put together. When could we see her...what would she look like? What damage had been done? Only knowing that I was sitting in the waiting room of a Level One Trauma Hospital where my sister had just been careflighted after a terrible biking accident where she was hit by a reckless rider and had landed on her head...and no, she was not wearing a helmet. Her head...she landed on her head...what would that mean? Would she even know us when we walked into the room? Would we get to go into that room anytime soon? What were they doing...why was this taking so long?

Finally..."You can go back now and see her"...my mom and I walked the winding hallway...passing beds in the hallway, bright lights shining, the horrible smell of sickess wafting in the air...then we turn into the room..."Don't be alarmed", they said..."She's very beat up...she may not look like herself". No...she doesn't. Her face...oh her poor face...she's shivering...she's in pain...her head-it's swollen...cut so close to her eye...blood everywhere...this is not my perky baby sister...she's not the one that is supposed to be in a hospital bed in pain...

Tests are normal...she can go home...she is going to be okay...in pain, but okay...oh, thank God...she has too much left to do...she is the strong one anyway...she is the independent hard worker that does so much for everyone else, that is young and in love, that has millions of friends, that loves her family fiercely and will do anything for them in an instant...and then there's the selfish part...ME, I need her...I need her HERE...she's one of the few who gets me...she doesn't judge, she doesn't even have to ask sometimes; we can be miles apart she can know that I need her...my kids...they adore her...they need their aunt Emily...see, I'm a wreck-I can't do this part-she is the strong one.

These are only a few of the frantic thoughts that went through my mind on Sunday, April 20 after my sister's accident. So many of you already know about this and have, once again, been lifting up our family in prayer, and for that we are, once again, so thankful. I cannot imagine my life without Emily...and I am so glad that I do not have to right now...she still has much recovering to do, physically and emotionally. She is so lucky to have a supportive boyfriend who loves her so much and of course we are there to do anything that we can. Of course my sweet mother has been taking care of her like she takes care of everyone. You can actually read more about all this on her blog.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers. Please continue to keep her in your prayers as she recovers and continues to process just all that she has been through. This is all so hard to put into words...all I know is that once again my family has been faced with life and death and God has once again delivered us into more life. Let us all be grateful and live that life in response to His sweet mercy.

LYLAS Emily Kaye...

*Please read my mom's blog for some more health updates on my family...when it rains it sometimes pours, but as always we trust in a God who is faithful.

march for babies

2008-04-29T18:16:00.002-05:00

The walk went great. I actually made it the whole five miles which was a bigger accomplishment for me than I thought it would be-not so much physically; it actually felt great to get out and walk like that again. But I went through so many emotions during those five miles...it was a good time to not only have fun with family, but also to reflect on so many precious babies that I love, as well as just the events of the last couple of years that have left my heart kind of in a constant state of aching. I am still not out of that state, but it was nice to have some time to just be quiet and be real with myself. Maybe I should take some more long walks!

Jack and Sam did great on the walk too. We kept telling Jack that we were marching for babies...and he kept saying, "Well, then let's go find some babies!" He was a little upset when we ended up at the finish line and hadn't found any! But he recovered pretty quickly with a little play time with his cousins!

Thanks again SO MUCH to everyone who donated to the cause. That was just an overwhelming blessing...how could you not believe in an organization that wants to see every baby born healthy? My heart aches for that day, although not near as much as I ache for the Heaven where we will be reunited with those sweet ones who have already gone on.

Countdown is on...and gimme a verse!

2008-04-25T22:06:00.006-05:00

Only two more days left until our big family walk at the "March for Babies" in honor of some of the closest babies to our heart, as well as a walk in support of furthering the research and care that is available for all babies every day. I would still love for you to visit my page, HERE...I am only $50 away from my individual fundraising goal...Thank you so much to those of you who have been so kind to donate! What a blessing. More than anything please pray for us as we walk those FIVE MILES on Sunday...I have no doubt it will be a sweet sweet time together...and I have no doubt we are all going to need a foot rub and pedicure on Monday! Matt is walking too, and even Jack and Sam are going along for the ride in the strollers, so it's a real family affair!

I have another post coming about my sweet sister...you can read more about her accident on mom's blog...but please keep praying for her as she recovers...she sure did give us a scare.

Thanks again for your support and prayers for the walk this weekend...our family has definitely been touched in many ways by the reality of premature birth and we are truly thankful for organizations like the March of Dimes. I have had a rough week this week, not only worrying about my sister, but also with my own health...I know it has been the devil trying to gain a foothold and keep me from doing this thing this weekend that means so much to me...but I am determined to participate as much as I possibly can...No matter what, it will be a special time for all of us to be together and to share the experience of "Team Brock and Brody"s first walk past the finish line!

Even if you can't donate, thank you for your prayers...and I would love it also if you might leave a verse in the comments that might be a good one to meditate upon while going through this experience. I know that we will all have moments where we need some extra strength, so I would love to hear those verses that you think of in moments where you may feel weak. Thanks again for supporting Team B and B!

Team Brock and Brody

2008-04-15T13:51:00.009-05:00

In just a few weeks, I will be walking proudly in the very first "March for Babies". It's not the first walk, but that is the new name for the annual March of Dimes WalkAmerica event, and I think it is appropriate, because it helps remind us just who we are walking for. This is a walk for babies; those who are born healthy and those who need help to survive. Their goal is that one day all babies will be born healthy and have access to adequate medical care. I imagine that most of you who read this blog are touched strongly by that vision.

Personally, I am walking for some babies very near to my heart-my own sweet boys, Jack and Sam-both born prematurely and both survivors thanks to the amazing advances in medicine and both prenatal and postnatal care. There is such a feeling of helplessness when you are dealing with premature labor and birth. I remember being so scared and even feeling guilty for not being able to control anything. But throughout it all we were so blessed with great caregivers and physicians and of course, our sweet Lord's intervention. I know that alot of the care we received was only possible because of events like the March of Dimes.

I also walk for our sweet cousins for whom our team is named-Brock and Brody Allen, 24-weekers who have been safe in the arms of Jesus for four years now. I don't think we will ever be done grieving this loss, but knowing that they are there just makes us long for Heaven even more. I am walking with their mom, Matt's cousin Ashley, and several other family members, including my mom and mother-in-law. It will be a special day for our family to reflect on those precious souls.

I could not do this walk without also walking for some other sweet twins that I love, Kanyon and Jayde Phillips. They were the 25-weeker twins of my dear friend Jaymie. Jayde has now been with the Lord for a year, and Kanyon continues to struggle and triumph each day. Not one prayer gets said around this house without mentioning his name.

I would love for you to visit my page to learn more about the walk, and to donate if your heart moves you to do so. I have seen firsthand the blessings that can come through this research and funding. After spending weeks in the NICU, I will be forever grateful for the March of Dimes organization and will hopefully continue to be involved with it. Like I said earlier, this walk is for ALL babies...so please take a minute to look at the site. We are doing the Houston walk, but there is also a walk coming up in Fort Worth, so maybe some of you might even like to get out there and walk. You can get to my page here.

Because of my continued struggles with my own health, this walk will probably be challenging for me physically. But I think that is actually a good thing because I know it will only be a reminder of what so many babies have to go through, and remind me why I am there in the first place. Nobody worry...I won't overdo it!

Please go to my page and consider being a part of this great thing...more than anything, please pray that it will be a wonderful day and that this organization will be blessed so that it can continue to bless the lives of so many babies and their families. What a blessing it would be if their dream was realized and ALL babies could be born healthy.

Here's a couple of pictures of Sam in his swing that shows just how much he has grown.

This one is at almost two months old and 4 pounds...

And this one is at almost ten months old and a whopping 17 pounds...

new blog

2008-04-11T08:03:00.003-05:00

Matt started a new blog and he has some cute pics of the boys on there...so check it out HERE! I also changed it in my links to the left. Have a great day!

more pics

2008-04-07T22:43:00.007-05:00

My sweet baby Sam...he loves the outside and is such a happy little guy. He really is a joy!

I don't think this one needs much explanation! I'm sure he'll kill me for this picture one day! But for now I think he looks pretty proud! We are too!

I love this one of Jack just chillin with his best bud John..."Little John" to be exact...nobody really calls him that anymore, except for Jack...of course no one else calls Jack "Mickey Jack" except for John either! Actually on our Nitendo Wii, Jack has made his Mii character named MickeyJack and of course has created a Little John to play right along! They are so much alike, they even look alike! It is precious to watch them together. I really believe God is already planting seeds for a long and special friendship for those two. No day goes by and no prayer gets said without my little guy thanking God for this little guy!

sweet boys in the springtime

2008-04-03T10:51:00.002-05:00

I still have some more pics that I want to post-especially more of my GQ boys in their chocolate brown seersucker on Easter, but I thought I would just put a few for now while I have a second. Things are going well, I still have good days and bad days as far as my health, but I am just so thankful that we have now gone ONE MONTH without me going to the hospital at all! I know that sounds crazy but it is a BIG DEAL! My three boys continue to just be the joy of my life, thanks to my ultimate joy and love that I have in our Lord. Baby Sam continues to battle ear infections and his RSV, but thankfully he has also stayed out of the hospital. We had his nine month check up the other day and he has finally made it onto the growth curve! He is kind of hanging onto the very bottom of it...but HE IS ON IT! Our pediatrician also said that he doesn't think he is going to need any kind of therapy for now, so that is also a blessing. The Lord has been so good to us to protect our sweet Samuel after all that he and I went through to get him into this world. Jack keeps us laughing constantly and is still doing really well with the potty training. He still forgets sometimes and has accidents, but that just goes with the territory!
Not too much else going on around here. I sure do love the springtime and being able to get out of the house with the boys.
I also love those rainy days when we just stay inside and play in our pajamas! Jack is obsessed with the Nintendo Wii that he and daddy got for Christmas, so I spend lots of hours watching him AND daddy play guitar hero and other fun games! They do know that Monday and Tuesday nights mommy just wants to watch her one show a week-Dancing with the Stars...yes, I am hooked. I didn't start watching until the fourth season when I was in the hospital and I cannot seem to get out from under the addiction! It is so amazing to watch the people with no training go out there and do so well, and for some-make fools of themselves!
I hope that everyone out there is doing well, and I really am going to try and keep up with the blogging more...I feel bad reading everyone else's and then never writing! So...until next time...Happy Spring!

two words to explain my lack of blogging...

2008-02-26T17:16:00.003-06:00

POTTY TRAINING!

This has been a long time coming, with me being in the hospital for almost a whole year, our attempts have never been able to last long enough to be effective...but i am SO happy to say that we are finally getting somewhere!

i do have lots of pictures and stories i'm sure...i'll try to update as soon as i can!

here's to 2008...

2007-12-31T20:48:00.000-06:00

well, it is new year's eve and i am back in the hospital...hopefully just for a few days, but i don't really want to talk about that, i am too weary...please just pray for our continued strength and faith in these trials...i just wanted to share some pictures from our WONDERFUL christmas and tell everyone how very much i am looking forward to a NEW year! with a God whose mercies are new EVERY MORNING, i can't even imagine what blessing a new YEAR will bring!

hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday season...we were with my family here in fort worth and then were with our whole extended family at the farm...it was great...a lot of laughter, great food, and of course so much fun watching jack really be old enough to enjoy everything. we had fun playing "where's waldo" with him in his little striped pajamas! we took a bunch of pictures of him hiding, like the one in all the presents...i wish i could post all of them, but there were too many! i also never had posted my decorations, so those are here too...it was fun to have a banister to put our new cute stockings on!i love the pic at the end of them asleep...it was a busy holiday! don't they look just alike even when they sleep?! and yes...i KNOW that my three year old has a pacifier in his mouth...don't get me started...he was actually rid of it about a year ago before i got sick, and then when i started being in the hospital so much, he reverted...i think he just needed some extra comfort while mommy was away, which is pretty understandable...so, we are in the process of saying goodbye to the paci again! still potty training too...what a fun adventure it is to be three years old! he's growing so fast though, it is hard sometimes, but always exciting! i also still need to post samuel's 5 and 6 month pictures, but those will be in my next blog, i can't believe my baby is 6 months old!

so here's some pics of our christmas...i know it's alot, but trust me, it was hard to not put more!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Here I am...

2007-12-10T22:32:00.001-06:00

back in the hospital...no fun, but I guess at least it gives me a little chance to blog...I know that I am way behind...this post will mostly just be pictures...it is almost Christmas, and I still haven't posted my pics from October...or even uploaded my pics on to the computer from November...I know, I know...you have all just been sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for me to blog!

Anyway, I have been enjoying these last few "hospital-free" months at home with my boys...still trying to get settled into our house...it has been so fun to get ready for Christmas in our first home that is really ours! It's the first time we have put up Christmas lights-well, I shouldn't say "we"...my brave husband climbed up on our very steep roof...I just didn't watch, the whole time afraid we might be bringing him to the hospital!

Jack is as funny as ever, as you will see in the pictures...he loved getting to dress up like Mickey Mouse, and then after Halloween was over my mom picked up the Buzz Lightyear costume for $4 and the boy didn't take the thing off for days! What easy cheap entertainment! He is very particular about what he likes to wear lately, or really I should say what he DOESN'T want to wear, which usually includes ANYTHING but a pull-up (or "big boy underwear" if it is a REALLY good day) and his new fuzzy crocs which my aunt donna sent..thanks auntie, he loves them and they are the cutest things ever! They are like crocs but are lined like those ugg boots, they look very cozy! I am telling you the truth, the kid would run around naked all day if he could, 30 degrees or not...but that isn't exactly the most attractive option, nor sanitary since the child still doesn't seem to be bothered enough to stop playing when he has to go to the bathroom! But the crocs...those stay on...fully clothed or not clothed at all...the boy sleeps in those things!

Sam is still the sweetest, happiest baby ever, since Jack of course. He has been battling RSV for over a month now, and we are being very cautious so it doesn't turn into pneumonia or anything else that his little underdeveloped preemie lungs can't handle. It's scary enough as it is, and I really hate it that I am not with him right now. He is getting breathing treatments around the clock...poor little guy...he has the nastiest sounding cough and wheeze, it scared me so bad the first time I heard it, it reminded me of how he sounded in the NICU. But like I said, he is just still a little angel, he's still sleeping fairly well, and likes to play with his little nasal cannula while he's getting a treatment. He's still just growing like crazy. His five month pictures with his monkey and bottle are among the ones I still need to upload.

Like I said, I'm back in the hospital...we came in on Saturday night to the ER, went home and then ended up back on Sunday when they admitted me. I'm just having a flare up of the same old stuff...yes it is very frustrating, but hopefully this will be a short stay(relative of course for me!). I read a quote on Friday, and I think that God wanted to me to have it fresh on my heart this week...
"You have a God who hears you, the power of love behind you, the Holy Spirit within you, and all of Heaven ahead of you." ~Max Lucado
I am so blessed...I can add to that quote a husband who I am madly in love with, who has stood by me through pure joy and very real anguish...and two little shadows of him who bring me more joy than I could explain.

I love Christmas, and am looking forward to spending here with my parents and sister and brother. They have gotten so grown up and as fun as it was growing up together, it is so fun to know my siblings and to be friends with them as adults. My sister is a social worker and is so driven, professional, compassionate and so good at what she does. She challenges me in many ways and has a tender heart that is there for you in a moment's notice. My brother is coaching at Denton Liberty Christian School and they just won the State Championship this last weekend. I am so proud of him and enjoy watching him enjoy what he is doing so much.I love watching him with my boys-they adore their "Uncle Bwad", and I love that he and Matt get along so well. We got to surprise my mom for her 50th birthday last week, and it was so much fun. She spends so much time and energy giving of herself to others and really was a joy to get to do something for her, and to pull it off without her knowing! My sister and I were so proud of ourselves...but I don't know why we doubted ourselves...the only reason we could get it together is because we have watched our sweet mother give like that to others her whole life. My dad came over to watch the boys the other night while Matt and I went to a wedding, and I just love watching him with my boys...what a special relationship-they sure do love their pappy. I also love it when my daddy comes and visits me when I am in the hospital, for some this may seem weird-but for me as a person who has spent ALOT of my life in the hospital it means alot...we can sit and not even say anything but I know he is there with me and it makes me feel safer. It is so hard to even describe how amazed I am more and more when I recount how many sacrifices my father and mother have made to do so much for us...what an incredible model to strive to follow. We will be here for the holidays getting to relax and be together...those are the kind of holidays I like best...the hustle and bustle is fun, but my family will tell anyone that my favorite is always cuddling up on the couch with a full tummy for a NAP with football games in the background...or of course the old family movies my sister and I insist on getting out EVERY year!

I hope everyone is having a blessed holiday season...I sure do have lots of Christmas shopping to do and traditions I am trying to start with the boys, but mostly I am just so thankful that I am going to spend Christmas with my three boys...As blessed as we are, I must say I am kind of ready to say goodbye to 2007...But we have certainly learned this past year about resurrection in a whole new way...so here's to new beginnings! Praise God that His mercies are new EVERY MORNING!

Okay...well...so much for this blog being mostly pictures! You can talk a lot longer when you are alone in a hospital room with nothing on TV!(Strike that, flipping through the channels and found "Holiday Inn"...one of my favs, which my mom and sis was here to watch it with me).

Now for the pics...

My cute little punkin and the leader of the club himself, Mickey Mouse-I have to say that I was pretty proud of myself for the homemade costume...I like to rejoice in those small victories on days when I feel like I really have no idea what I am doing as a mother-which is most days by the way! And then of course the Buzz Lightyear costume that I couldn't even get him out of to go to Target! He and cousin Mary Kate looked so cute as Mickey and Minnie...those two are like peas in a pod, I am so glad they have each other to be good buddies with.

Sam LOVES to stretch, and I finally caught a picture of him doing it...I think he just fell asleep in mid-stretch...why is it that something like stretching can be so darn cute when it's a baby doing it?!
I also think it's cute when he sucks those two little fingers...don't know why, but it is!

Then there's a few of my boys...MATCHING! This a rare occasion that Matt lets me get away with it, I have to take advantage of it before they get too old and I can't anymore! I think the window of opportunity is smaller with boys...anyway, the first one is cheering on Uncle Brad's team, and the rest on our front porch pumpkin patch...the second one cracks me up because it looks like Jack is about to peg Sam with a pumpkin! Don't worry...no one was injured!

Enjoy...

random updates...

2007-10-17T23:21:00.002-05:00

1. Samuel is 4 months old! He is doing so well...he's such a little chub now, weighing almost 12 pounds! He's still in the 3rd percentile for weight, but I figure with all that childhood obesity, it's okay to start out a little on the small side! He is tall though...24 inches long! He does have bad reflux, but if anyone knows how to deal with throw up...that would be me! We've have a few nights here and there where he sleeps from around 11 to 5...wow, those are great and will be even greater when they become a normal thing! He's smiling all the time and finding his little voice and even throws a little giggle in sometimes! We absolutely adore him.

2. Jack is doing a great job as big brother...he helps me out alot and hasn't asked us to take him back to the hospital or anything! I figure he doesn't want anyone going to any hospital EVER again! He is also just cracking us all up constantly. The other night he looked at me and said, "Mommy what happened to your hair? It doesn't look right"...which is strange, since it was in the messy ponytail that is always in! Maybe that's the point?! He loves to sing and conduct, thanks Little Einsteins...and he will do it just about anywhere...at the top of his lungs...i LOVE it! He shares his mommy's love of Target, which is great and also bad because now I go there even MORE! He's just a little joy...I love watching him soak up the world around him and I also pray for the strength and guidance in the great responsibility that I have to capture every moment for Christ as I raise him to be a man that knows the LORD intimately.

3. Speaking of hospitals...I am still not feeling so hot. Good days and bad days. I have another procedure today. They do them in a series of three and this will one will be my second. We are praying that this will at least bring a little bit of relief. Of course, we are always still praying for total healing.

4. I have lately been puzzled by a phrase that I have heard and probably said millions of times...maybe it is because of the events of this past year. We often say that God is great, but life isn't. Maybe I am just quibbling at a technicality, but how can that really be true? Honestly, this last year has been horrible...our circumstances have been so challenging and at times very very frustrating. But one thing that I have to be so thankful for...is LIFE. For every breath, for every sunrise that wakes me up, for every night rocking my babies to sleep...we don't deserve it, we take advantage of the thought that it will always be there...so I would say, whatever our circumstance...LIFE is always good. And I am glad that God is great so we can wade through those yucky circumstances during the gift of each new day, as we long for our eternal home and new life free from any burden.

5. And speaking of longing for Heaven...I have had such a horrible ache in my heart lately, thinking about those close to us and those we don't even know who have lost their precious babies. I cannot imagine that ultimate tragedy, and the new reality that Heaven takes on for those who long to hold their sweet little ones again. I have watched this video so many times and just wept. We went to school with the mother's sister at ACU and I have been reading their blog for sometime. Their friend in Nashville wrote this song for the video when sweet Copeland went to be with Jesus. It makes me think of other dear friends and family who have gone through this unimaginable tragedy, and who truly do know the value of each breath. Our hearts are so heavy with grief, but thank the LORD that we do not grieve like those who have no hope.

6. And this has become our new favorite show, running a close race with Little Einsteins and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Since we don't have cable, videos and PBS kids are the only choices. I like that I can somewhat limit how much TV that Jack watches better. "Super Why" has become a morning favorite for the Jack Man. And call me a dork, but I really love this program too! It really does teach some great fundamentals for reading which is something we are really starting to work on, so I love it. It comes on every morning and 10 and then the website has some really great games and activities, along with resources for both parents and teachers. It is funny because now Jack loves to run around the house calling himself Super Jack, with the power to help! Sometimes I even get to be "Super Mommy"! That is REALLY great, since I sure don't feel much like Supermom these days.

7. I have to sing "Praise you in this Storm" Saturday and Sunday at church...I hope I make it through it without crying. The song really illustrates alot of the feelings that I have and still am going through. It has definitely been raining...I sure hope that I have have brought HIM glory through it all.

8. I absolutely love Autumn...and I hate it that we get cheated of it...it's the time of year when I really wish we lived in Nashville; or somewhere where it gets cool...the leaves turn...you can smell the fireplaces burning or bundle up under a blanket at a football game. I have a mini pumpkin patch on my front porch. We haven't made it out to the Flower Mound pumpkin patch yet, but Jack is dying to go, so Mimi and I took him to the fruit stand the other day. He jumped in the bounce house, and I picked out pumpkins...I LOVE them! I love going to the fruit stand...we also got some amazing apples. I also got a really great deal on all the pumpkins...there is no way I would been able to get that many at the Pumpkin patch. I really love my pumpkins, and I still think I want to get some more. I am really just thankful that they haven't been smashed or stolen yet!

9. I LOVE our house. Matt did such a a good job picking it out for us, and all the work he did to make it just like I wanted is so amazing. I am trying really hard to get everything settled in...it's so hard to not have the energy to get the things done that I want to do. I'm still just trying to go one box at a time and not get too overwhelmed. It really is a great house though. We are talking about what we need to do to get the yard ready for Spring. It has some amazing landscaping potential, so here goes nothing with me trying out my green thumb! Grandma-I NEED YOU!

10. And now...what you really want...pictures!

Samuel and his monkey at almost 1 month.

3 months...mommy forgot 2 months!

4 months...look at him cheering for his chubbiness!

Look at that boy sitting up! His neck is so strong! He looks a little depressed though! Maybe because he has two chins!

And remember the bottle...

Now he can eat almost half of that big ol thing!

My sweet boys...

Silly Jack...it's funny how those baby toys all of a sudden get interesting again when mommy mentions that they now belong to a certain baby brother!

Headed to Young Children's World with the backpack as big as he is!

I just love this pic of Jack and his Cousin Riley...I love the way she is looking at him and how he has a little Zoolander face on...these two are such good buddies and are going to cause lots of trouble with all the other cousins in Smithville!

And my punkin patch...isn't it pretty? :)

where i would rather be right now...

2007-08-27T16:45:00.000-05:00

rather than being back in the hospital...rather than now having a blood clot in both arms now, forcing them to put in a central line to my heart...rather than being in unbearable pain again...rather than being scheduled for yet another surgery in Dallas on Wednesday afternoon...rather than being on a liquid diet...rather than having my children being taken care of by someone else (although they are getting lots of love from their mimi and giggi)...rather than having my sweet husband so exhausted from having to be everything for everyone...rather than even being on a beach somewhere...yes, this place where i was just days ago when daddy came home from work and took this picture of mommy and her sweet boys...THIS is where i would rather be:

the last word...

2007-08-23T16:43:00.000-05:00

well, since Sunday, we have been back in the ER three times...including last night when we found out that i am now having internal bleeding from the blood thinners, but they do not know where it is coming from and i have to stay on the blood thinners for at least two months or until this clot is gone...so it will be a balancing act of breaking up the clot but making sure the bleeding doesn't get too bad, and maybe figuring out where it is coming from?! my liver numbers are also elevated again, so please just pray that doesn't also flare up again...internal bleeding is never a fun thing to hear...but at least we have been through it before and have very good and thorough doctors...

so...still tired and weary...sorry to be debbie downer, but i must say i did have a LOVELY baby shower on Sunday...and i have had lot of cuddle times with my boys while not in the ER over this past week thanks to my wonderful mother and mother-in-law...so i really can't complain, because those hugs from my boys are really what i have been longing for the most over these last many months...

it has now been almost a full year since i can remember feeling well...there are days when i feel much older than i really am; days when i feel like i have been completely broken and can break no more...but i know this is not true, and i know that the Lord can and will put me back together again...so while we continue to pray; search for new doctors, procedures, answers; while we cry out of frustration, sadness, fear, and sometimes anger; while we wait...the answer is ultimately still the same-to cling to Him, to the only one who really has the answers and who really sees what lies on the other side of this mountain that we are now in the trenches of-to the one who gets the last word and ALL of the glory...

matt, otherwise known as my rock,pointed me to this verse last night while i was lying on another stretcher...and it is absolutely the prayer that we are falling on our knees believing right now; i love how it is worded in The Message:

"So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ-eternal and glorious plans they are!-will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, He does."
~1 Peter 5:9-11

tired...

2007-08-18T14:52:00.001-05:00

some of you may know that i have spent the last week and a half back in and out of the hospital...again...we all got food poisoning last wednesday (8/9) and as bad as it was for Matt and Jack, they were over it in a day and me it sent into a tailspin and i ended up back in the hospital until this thursday (8/17). well, yesterday morning i woke up with a not fun but familiar feeling in my left arm where they had taken out my PICC line...yep, another blood clot...in the same arm that i had it in last fall also from a PICC line! anyway, so we spent all last night in the hospital again, and i talked my doctor into letting me come home today so that i could be at my baby shower tomorrow! i have looked forward to this for too long, i am not going to miss my own baby shower! my doctor was kind of reluctant, but agreed to let me give myself the shots of blood thinners at home since i have done it before...

i am trying to write this post lightheartedly...but really, i am weary...i am really ready to get home from the hospital and stay there, i am tired of having days where i can't nurse my baby after working so hard to get him nursing so well. and i miss my husband and my other baby boy who has had to spend too much of this last year without his mommy. i am so thankful for my sweet mommy who has been taking care of my house and my family this whole week, while also going to work herself...i don't know what i would do without her.

i will be on blood thinners for two months, and the doctor will monitor me carefully to make sure that i don't end up with internal bleeding like i did last time...so please pray that this will just clear up soon and that we will truly be through this season of our lives. i guess this is another one of those times for us to cling to the Lord, like i wrote about in my last post...we would never have made it this far without Him...

solitude...

2007-08-16T10:29:00.000-05:00

This was my daily meditation from Henri Nouwen Society, in my inbox this morning...

When we enter into solitude to be with God alone, we quickly discover how dependent we are. Without the many distractions of our daily lives, we feel anxious and tense. When nobody speaks to us, calls on us, or needs our help, we start feeling like nobodies. Then we begin wondering whether we are useful, valuable, and significant. Our tendency is to leave this fearful solitude quickly and get busy again to reassure ourselves that we are "somebodies." But that is a temptation, because what makes us somebodies is not other people's responses to us but God's eternal love for us.

To claim the truth of ourselves we have to cling to our God in solitude as to the One who makes us who we are.

Hmmm...I sure have had alot of solitude in the last many months, and maybe God is trying to tell my something? Maybe he is saying "Look at me...Listen to me...Cling to me".

I like being alone, but I must admit that I am not always productive in my so-called "quiet time" with the Lord. I find so many other things to distract me, or like the devotional said, I feel that when I am not distracted, that I am worthless. But I forget that my worth does not come from what I do, or even from who I am...but from the way I reflect the one who created me and loved me and delivered me. Solitude can be a scary place...the quiet can be deafening...and so I talk, I run around in all directions in a hurry, I BLOG, I worry, and I forget that the Lord just wants me to sit at his feet. He wants ME to cling to HIM...what a precious thought.

The word "cling" means, "to come or be in close contact with; stick or hold together and resist separation". To resist separation. When I think of "clinging", I think of my children, particularly Sam right now. I love when I am feeding him and he gets his little fingers wrapped around mine and "resists separation" or when he holds on to my shirt; or when Jack doesn't want me to leave him at bedtime. It is like they are desperate for my presence and they will do anything to hold me there; right there with them. And this is what The LORD, the maker of Heaven and Earth, wants from me...He wants me to CLING to HIM...to be DESPERATE for His presence. And the amazing thing to me is that even when I deny Him that, His presence NEVER LEAVES me.

I read this verse the other day that I have read many times and for the first time, I really heard the Lord saying it...

"For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you to be His treasured possession." ~Deuteronomy 14:2

His treasured possession...I am HIS TREASURED POSSESSION...YOU are HIS TREASURED POSSESSION...WE are HIS TREASURED POSSESSION...what a precious thought...solitude...what a precious gift...May I forever be changed in the way I spend that gift...may I cling to the one who calls me HIS TREASURED POSSESSION...for HE is the GREATEST TREASURE.

"I'm Free!!!"

2007-07-28T23:26:00.000-05:00

Those were the words that you greeted me with at the top of the stairs this morning...translation: "I'm Three!"

Oh my sweet Baby Jack,
I cannot believe it has been three years since I first laid eyes on you. From the moment that your daddy placed you in my arms, I was in love. I can remember the flood of emotions that hit me in those next weeks and months-and I continue to be amazed at just how much love I have for you. The overwhelming responsibility that comes with guiding and guarding your precious soul...of leading you to Jesus, and yet knowing that you must also find Him for yourself. I want to protect you so badly from anything that could harm you, and yet I know that you are only mine for awhile. I am so thankful that God has entrusted you to your daddy and me. What a joy you are to us! I love the way that I already see in you the same sense of humor, the same resilience and strength, and the same gentleness that I love so much in your daddy. In your three years, you have already had to be so strong and flexible. You were the sunshine that got me through the last several months of storm, and you are the greatest big brother to little Sam-I can't wait to watch you two together.
I hope that you will always know how very much you are loved. Everyone that is around you is instantly endeared to your funny little personality, your sweet spirit and of course, those eyes and that HAIR! I love to watch you at this age, as you soak up everything around you. You love to learn and to discover new things. I love that you already speak in movie quotes, also just like your daddy! I love that your imagination is limitless-I wish that I had a tape recorder with me at all times to pick up those sweet conversations I hear you having up in your playroom. You are so treasured and adored by your family. Your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, great grandparents, etc...they all love their Jack Jack!

I don't know why this birthday has been harder on your little mommy; why three seems so much older than two. Maybe it is because you have changed so much over this year-you are talking so well and just seem like such a little boy! Maybe it is because of all that our little family has gone through in the past year, and the way that you have just gone with the flow and been such a big boy about it all. (Not that it was all bad-I mean you were getting seriously spoiled by Mimi and Giggi!) Maybe it is because you are now not only my baby, but also a big brother. You have been so helpful with baby Sam-getting mommy diapers and helping give him his bath and his pacifier, singing him songs in the back seat of the car when he is crying, or helping me pat him on the back to get those burps out! It is going to be so much fun to watch you two grow up together. I can't wait to see the adventures you will have, the wrestling and giggling that I will hear upstairs, and hopefully the deep bond of friendship that you will develop as you get older.

It was hard for me to only choose a few pictures to put on my blog, and it's always harder for me to find pictures of you and me since I prefer to be BEHIND the camera-but I think the ones I chose are just a glimpse into why you are loved by so many-just look at that smile-it's infectious...and I really love the one of you in the pool-all you need is some flippers and a line of sunscreen down your nose to look like a little old man on the beach! You continue to make us laugh, even when we are trying to discipline you, which can make it a little challenging for your daddy and me to do so. Speaking of challenging, yes, that word might describe you at times at this age...but I wouldn't trade it for a moment, because I know that years from now I will so desperately want each of those moments back.

You will always be my baby, the one who made me a mother. I can't believe you are three years old and yet I can't believe that you haven't always been with me. I am so thankful for what my life is because you are in it. And I can't wait to see what your life becomes. I pray that you will always know my love for you, and yet I hope more than that, you will know the love of your Heavenly Father, the one who gave you to me and the one who gave his own Son for you. I pray that your life will bring honor and fame to the name of the Lord. That seems like an easy prayer, but it is not, because those people who make the Lord famous often have great trials. Looking at you sleeping in your bed at the age of three, it is hard to imagine any harm ever coming to you. I want so badly to keep you safe, but so much more than that I want to see you serve the Lord and to lead others to Him.

This verse was on your birth announcement, and it is so true.
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of warriors are sons born in one's youth." ~Psalms 127:3-4

Thank you for the strength that you bring to your daddy and me through your gentleness. You are a precious gift and I love you so much sugar bear, booger, bubby, little man, Jack Jack...my baby Big Boy.

Happy Birthday to Giggi

2007-07-23T21:10:00.001-05:00

For your viewing pleasure...here's Jack singing to Giggi...apparently he had Little Einsteins on the brain!

What a blessing it is to have you in our lives. I am so thankful for the son that you raised, for the way you love me as if I were your own, and for the way that you spoil, oops I mean love, Jack and Sam-it's no wonder they adore you!

We love you Giggi!

Yes, we made it home...

2007-07-23T21:09:00.001-05:00

We are here and loving it...I promise to try and post an actual post very soon...we finally got the internet at our house...yeah!

"The NICU Jinx"

2007-07-06T14:10:00.000-05:00

I have heard of the "NICU Jinx", and I guess it has hit us...probably because I blogged about it...so we aren't coming home today. I hate it, but I also don't want Sam going home before he is ready. They are hoping that he will be ready by tomorrow...but I am not saying that until I know it for sure this time!

He is doing alright, but they need to make sure that he can go down on his formula and not lose too much weight. Right now they are fortifying my milk with 27 calorie formula, and lipids (fat) to help him gain weight...most babies go home on 20 calorie and preemies usually on 22. They are going to try him on 24 calories and let him go home on that for a little while and let the pediatrician decide how long before going down to 22. I am glad that they caught it before we went home, because then they said he would have ended up back at a children's hospital, and I at least like keeping him here where they already know him until he is really ready to be at home and eat and grow well.

We also found out some good news about his little head. They were concerned because they did not see any growth, and apparently their heads are supposed to grow a half a centimeter to a centimeter each week (glad that slows down!) and his had not been growing. But after the doctor measured him today, it looks like it has grown. They will just have the pediatrician follow that very closely along with his heart murmur, so please continue to pray that everything just grows and develops as it should.He's just a little peanut and has some growing to do, but we sure are proud of everything he has done up to this point!

We were sad to hear that we weren't going home today, but they are going to let us room in again tonight and hopefully we will all three go home together tomorrow. I'm mostly sad for Jack, because I know he is excited and has been helping Mimi and Giggi ready our house for his brother's arrival. My mom said he brought his rocking chair downstairs last night and put it beside my rocking chair because he wanted to "help mommy with baby sam". He also has a little basket full of pacifiers and preemie diapers so that he can get them for me when I need them...what a sweetheart...he's my little helper and I sure can't wait to hold both of my babies together!

I am thankful for my mom and Matt's mom for helping clean the house and get it ready for our homecoming, and also to my mom for staying with Jack so he can be in his own bed and be there when we get home. We are looking forward to getting there...and hopefully it will be soon! I probably won't blog again until we are there, so that I don't keep us here too much longer...I am really ready to say goodbye to this hospital!

We continue to thank GOD, for wonderful family and friends who have walked through all these hills and valleys with us, and because HE continues to be good to us ALL THE TIME. We will wait on HIM and we'll post again hopefully very soon...from HOME!

God is good all the time

2007-07-05T23:09:00.001-05:00

I know that I haven't been very good about updating this, but we have been back and forth at the hospital and we don't have the internet yet at our new house. But this news can't wait, because BABY SAM is COMING HOME TOMORROW! We are at the NICU "rooming in" tonight, and if all goes well, we get to bring our baby boy home and say goodbye to this hospital that has been our second home since January! This week has gone by quickly, I can't believe Sam is almost three weeks old! He has worked extra hard this week...he got his feeding tube out on Tuesday and has been eating better and better...we are working on nursing, and he has done really well so far, so hopefully pumping every two hours can be a thing of the past for me soon! I'll just be nursing every two hours, but that is much better! He also hit FOUR POUNDS this week!!! He's huge! He will just continue to work on his eating and he has a little heart murmur that they want his doctor to follow closely, but other than that...he has just done so amazingly well. God is so good to us...He has walked right beside us and even carried some along every step of this journey...and we know that this is only the beginning...He clearly has some great things in store for Samuel Ray Pinson.

We can't wait to get him home and especially can't wait for the sweet moment that we have waited for all these months, to be together as a family of FOUR in our new home all together. Jack can't wait to meet his baby brother (well, it depends when you ask him-but we think he'll like him!) He is too little to go into the NICU, so we are anxious to see them together.

It's been so hard not to be able to show him off right away, and of course we still have to be very careful, and it might be awhile before we are in any crowded places...but we look forward to introducing him to those who have prayed for him for so long. And we will only make you scrub your hands for a full three minutes before coming near him or touching him!
(Just kidding...although our hands are raw to prove that we have been doing that daily at the NICU!)

Thank you so much for your continued prayers for Sam to grow healthy and strong, as well as for my recovery. I know that God will continue to heal my body and it has already been good therapy to be at home with Jack these past weeks, and I have no doubt it will continue to heal my spirit to have all of my boys under one roof! Please continue to pray for us-with the joy of leaving to come home comes the anxiety with leaving a place where you have been under watchful eye 24 hours a day...but we know the eyes that are watching us see much more than any doctor or nurse, and we feel HIS presence in our lives so much. He is good ALL the time.

Now, just pray for Matt and me as we learn what it is like to have TWO children!

*Sam is also very excited that his friend Kanyon got to go home on Wednesday after 100 days in the NICU. My sweet friend Jaymie has been a wonderful example and help to me during our NICU experience. You can click the link to her blog to see their sweet sweet story.*

keep those prayers going...

2007-06-22T23:30:00.000-05:00

thank you so much for the many prayers that have been sent up over this past week and months...and thank you for continuing to pray as we are on this new part of the journey with sweet baby sam...
he is still a little fighter...his nurses even say so! his weight today was
3 lb, 8 oz...just a little peanut, but a strong one...he is still in his isolette getting phototherapy for his jaundice, but this is very normal, and hopefully he will be out of there very soon where we can touch him and hold him...he can't have his clothes on in there so they have to keep him closed up so he won't get too cold...they did wrap him up in about 5 blankets and let me hold him for awhile today, so that was the best thing ever...of course, i could hardly feel his tiny little body under all that blanket...
his biggest issue right now is learning to eat and tolerating what they feed him through his NG tube...he is getting better and they are giving him the milk that i am pumping so i can feel like i am contributing somewhat to that...
his withdrawal symptoms are still there, but still minimal, so that is a huge praise...he's still having some irritability, vomiting and tremors, but overall is just doing amazingly well...which we know is because of all of your prayers and because of the power of our GOD.

i am walking around in a fog right now- after these many months of what we have been through, i have to keep reminding myself that i just gave birth four days ago...i am trying to journal down some of my thoughts as i go through this part of the journey and maybe someday i will be able to share them, because i know that when we look back on this season we will see nothing but blessings from the LORD's hand...it was very very hard to leave the hospital last night and tonight and not have my baby in my arms...but i am confident that the LORD is holding him when i cannot. and i am thankful to have my other two men at home to love on...i am very blessed...

we have taken lots of pictures and will post them as soon as we can...i'll try to update as much as i can without having the internet at our new house yet...we can't wait for the day that our little family of four is all at home and we can introduce sam to the many people that have been praying for him for so long before he was even born.

Sweet Baby Sam

2007-06-19T14:40:00.000-05:00

I know that it has been awhile...okay, a LONG time since I last blogged. And yes, alot has happened in that time. This pregnancy has been one of the hardest times of our life, as most of you who read this blog know. I promise that I really have sat down MANY times with the intention of blogging, and the words just won't come. I am still not sure that I have words adequate to express what is on my heart, but when I do finally write it is always somehow therapeutic for me.

The last time I posted we were overjoyed having just found out that baby #2 would be coming this summer.
We are still overjoyed...and now it is because HE IS HERE. Samuel Ray Pinson was born yesterday.

The little man that so many have brought to the feet of the Father has made his entrance into the world. The only sustainance our little family has had over the last many weary months has been the faithful hand of our Father and the prayers and support of so many family members and friends. I will sit down soon and attempt to write more about these experiences we have endured, and the faithfulness of our Lord that we have witnessed over and over...but at this very moment I know all you want to do is hear about our little guy and, of course, see some pictures! I believe these stats and pictures are some of the greatest testimonies of God's faithfulness anyway...

We checked in yesterday morning at 7AM, prepared for a long day. After months of hospitalizations, home health care, hyperemesis, pain, infection, and premature labor...our doctor had made the decision, along with the neonatologists, to induce labor at exactly 33 weeks. We weren't exactly sure how my body would want to progress, as they had given me shots so many times to attempt to stop labor, and now they were trying to start it. But once again, the Lord was faithful. The day started off pretty slow, and we expected it to be the middle of the night before our little guy decided to make himself known...but he wanted a grand entrance...in the span of about an hour, I went from being dilated to a 4 to the nurses trying to hold him off from coming out before the doctor made it to the hospital in Arlington from their second office in Mansfield. That was one of the longest and most stressful hours of our lives, and yet it also felt like a whirlwind. Sam's heart rate began to drop very low, into the 80s and 90s. The room began to get more and more crowded with nurses, all doing different things to try and keep him stimulated and get his heart rate back up so that we could try to avoid a C Section. They were flipping me over into every different position, giving me oxygen, massaging my stomach, massaging his head...his little tiny head was so small, he figured that he could just make it out at a 6 rather than waiting till I was dilated all the way to a 10! I finally ended up flat on my back with the bed tilted backwards and head down. Labor and delivery nurses are truly amazing. Thankfully, the doctor made it, and within about 10 minutes of him getting in the room, baby Sam was here. I only got a very quick glimpse of him, while they layed him on my stomach for about 3 seconds and Matt cut the umbilical cord. He only needed a little bit of oxygen right at first, and then they whisked him away to the NICU. We wanted to go with him of course, but were mostly just so thankful that he was here. Matt did get to go down and see him pretty quickly and was able to get some pictures to bring back down to the room for me. I was anxious to see my little boy, and as soon as they could get me into a wheelchair, I got to go to the NICU, and was especially excited to get to touch him! He was perfect, he was beautiful...so tiny, and yet so strong. We spent a little bit of time with him, and then went back to see him again last night before going back to get a little bit of rest. He was still having some trouble breathing, doing alot of grunting and just having to work very hard, but so far, he is still on room air. His biggest trouble right now is eating, but of course this is very normal for his age. He still has to work on that suck-swallow-breathe coordination. It will just take him awhile to learn how to do all that at once, and his little tummy is just very tiny, so they have cut back trying to feed him, only giving him about a teaspoon through a tube in his nose. But also amazingly he has not had to get an IV yet. He is definitely a little fighter...the neonatologists had warned us that little white males for some reason tend to have the most trouble getting going...but we knew better. I still need to post the last sonogram we had taken before he was born, where behind his head it looks like he is being held by a very large hand...which he, of course, was. And we know just whose Hand is carrying him through right now.

The doctor said that he is looking good. They will be looking next for symptoms of withdrawal from the strong medicine that the doctors have had me on throughout the last several months. Unfortunately, if he does have problems from that it will be a long slow process to correct. We are confident that he will be just fine and that he will have no effect at all, and of course ask you to pray with us that even if he does, that it will be treated easily and he will suffer no long term effects. The doctor told us this morning, these signs do not really show up until day 3 or 4, so they will be looking for that in the mean time. The first 72 hours are most critical, so they just want to keep him stable for now. They will also wait until the beginning of next week to do a scan of his brain and check in out how things are going in there. So over the next few days, his biggest jobs are breathing, working on digesting his food and maintaining his temperature. Please pray that all of this will continue to go just as smoothly as it has so far. The nurses and doctors continue to comment on how amazing it is that he is doing this well for being so early and so tiny and, while it is amazing, we are not at all surprised. Please continue to join us in prayer that the LORD will sustain Samuel, Matt, Jack and me. Please pray for the doctors and nurses who are taking care of him and for our families who have altered their own lives to bless ours.

When we went to see him this morning, I did get to hold him and it was the most wonderful thing in the world. I continue to be very exhausted, overwhelmed and in pain, but we know that God will continue to sustain my health and pray for continued recovery and strength. I am just so blessed to have the most wonderful husband in the world, and now, my TWO precious little boys to remind me of why this fight is so worth it.

We continue to be so amazed and grateful for the support we have received and continue to receive from so many, and will have many many hugs to give, tears of joy to shed and thank you's to say. For now, I will stop rambling and give you what you really want...pictures of this little guy who has stolen all of our hearts!

We continue to claim this verse spoken in God's word by Hannah...what joy it brings us to say it now as we look at our precious little one
"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."
~ I Samuel 1:27-28a

Samuel Ray Pinson
Monday, June 18th at 3:51 pm
3 lbs 13.6 oz
16 inches long

I'm sure we will have many more to come... I figured that this would be a good amount to get started!
We will try to update more often than every 6 months now...sorry that this one got really long and wordy...it's been a long few days...a long year really!
Again, thank you so much for your love and prayers...and please keep them coming, because we will continue to need them to get through this next part of the journey. We are overwhelmed and exhausted, and still feeling very helpless, but so very glad to be to this point in the journey where we can actually see the little one we have prayed over for so long. Words are not near enough to say how thankful we are to have such wonderful family, friends and to be a part of a wonderful and supportive community of faith. God's love and power is amazing. We are so very blessed.

Jack Got a New Shirt

2006-12-13T22:58:00.000-06:00

isn't it cute?

he's pretty excited...we are too!

cute cute video of jack on matt's blog...

2006-11-14T20:02:00.000-06:00

Our good friends, TJ and Holly are in the Dominican Republic running an outreach center for street children. They are not only filled with the spirit and well-equipped for this ministry, they are also dear friends and we miss them terribly. TJ is one of the most talented songwriters that we know and we have been blessed with his music while friends in college, when he sang at our wedding, and now as Jack has become his #1 fan! Before they left for the Dominican, TJ recorded a children's album which I HIGHLY RECOMMEND...Jack loves it and Matt has posted a little video on his blog of him singing one of the songs that he loves most...hope you enjoy it!

in sickness and in health...

2006-10-24T21:34:00.000-05:00

...oh, did Matthew Pinson really know what he was getting himself into when he said those words? This past month has been a rollercoaster of emotion, physical pain, crying out to the Lord asking why but, also, of being very thankful for life. Honestly, it hasn't been a month...it's been eight years...and really something that the doctors now say was probably there since birth.

Confused? Don't worry...we were too...although most of the people who read this blog already know most of this struggle, for they are the people who have raised me, the people who have been my friends and family and have walked alongside me in the valleys.

Warning: the following gets a little wordy and medical, but it helps explain...
Eight years ago, I went in to the hospital with abdominal pain. I was 18 years old. what followed was a six-month stay on a pediatric cancer and leukemia floor; consisting of an appendectomy, gall bladder removal, multiple other surgeries and procedures, and a diagnosis consisting of, but not limited to, pancreatitis, a hiatal hernia, superior mesenteric artery syndrome, and a possible motility disorder in my digestive system. I was not able to eat the entire time; being fed with feeding tubes and pretty much sedated on morphine the whole time because of the intense pain I was experiencing. Doctors were so puzzled; not understanding why an 18 year old would get pancreatitis, the chief concern and cause of pain, in the first place. They continued to perform exploratory surgeries looking for answers and really came up pretty blank. I left the hospital after six months; after celebrating every major holiday in that tiny room, weighing 85 pounds, with a little bit of temporary relief, but no real answers.

Fast forward a little bit (I promise I'll try not to make this ten pages long)...
Throughout the past eight years since that initial hospital stay, I have spent many nights in emergency rooms several times each year. I have graduated college, gotten married, and had my sweet baby Jack. Each time I have gone in with recurrences of pain, nausea, vomiting, etc. They do all of the routine bloodwork, ocassionally admit me for a few days and generally come back empty handed; usually telling me it's irritable bowel syndrome or gas pains, or of course my favorite-telling me nothing and instead sending in a psychiatrist to evaluate me while I am in some of the most intense pain of my life. All of the scar tissue from my past procedures have caused quite a bit of issue as well, such as severe pain from adhesions and the tissue not being able to stretch beyond a certain point, resulting in our baby being born five weeks early (praise God, he was totally healthy and has been my sunshine ever since). It has been frustrating to say the least, but I have since pretty much been resigned that I will just have to live with that pain forever and do what I need to in order to be what I need to be, such as a wife, a mother and a teacher...no problem, right?

Wrong...
Many people know that this past year I went back to work, teaching middle school theatre, as well as being in grad school to complete my Masters of Education. it's a job that I really do love. I get to use my theatre degree, I get to be around middle schoolers who, despite their interesting smells, are really some of my favorite people in the world. It has been hard...on many levels...most of all, because I am away from my Jack. Being home with him for two years non-stop was a true blessing that I will never take for granted. but he has done so well-he loves his sweet sitter and we have also had so much help from our families. Going back to work has also been hard on my body. On the 20th of last month (September, right?), after teaching school all day and then having required staff development after school, I called Matt to tell him that I was really not feeling well at all. what followed was a hospital stay of almost three weeks. Once again, all the tests and once again all my fears waiting to hear those words, "Well, we just can't seem to figure it out". The Lord blessed us with an amazing team of doctors; doctors who showed us determination and human kindness. at first they believed that I had celiac disease, which is an intolerance to gluten. They put me on a gluten-free diet, but it did not seem to help any, and although my biopsies looked like celiac, the blood test was negative. My gastroenterologist then started to suspect something very rare called Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction (yeah, you can imagine why i have chosen not to share the name of this problem with my middle schoolers!) When he told me that I was that mystery patient that all the doctors were discussing at lunch, well honestly I was not flattered! But, I was very thankful to have proactive doctors for the first time in a long time.

I won't go into all of the medical details. if you are that interested, give me a call or google it. And actually Matt has become very good at explaining the workings of the digestive system, so you might just call him! But what basically happened is that the Lord's hand intervened so perfectly that the doctors caught the symptoms of this rare disease at just the right time, right when my body was in a flare up and my liver functions were off the charts. It's something that you really have to be looking for in order to catch it. I ended up getting transferred to a hospital in dallas and was blessed to get in with the leading doctor in the world for this condition who performed my surgery. Ironically, he works only on this disease in conjuction with the Mayo Clinic, which is where they wanted to send me eight years ago to have tests run for a newly discovered problem (the one I was just diagnosed with). When the doctor in Dallas measured the pressures in my bile ducts(I apologize if you are reading this over some sort of meal) they were at 80 and 110, when they are supposed to be around 40. That explains some pain, huh? Basically nothing was getting through, and I was apparently born with two of these ducts instead of one. So, he just made an incision and then placed a stent in my pancreas. Looking back, all of it fits together, and they really do think that this is going to ease a great deal of the pain that I have felt for so many years. We did have a little setback, ending up back in the hospital just two days after going home. I had ended up with a blood clot from my PICC line that they had finally put in because of my horrible tiny veins that have been ruined through the years of so many hospital stays. Then when they put me on blood thinners, after only two days my blood was so thin that they could not even measure it in the lab. The blood thinners are supposed to make your blood clot at 2 to 3 times the normal rate, and the highest the lab could measure was 23 times the normal rate...mine was past that! The doctors said if I had fallen, not even cut myself, but just run into something, I could have bled to death. That was definitely scary because we have dealt with the pain, nausea and vomiting for years now, but never blood clots or internal bleeding. Once again, the doctors took very good care of me and I only had to stay three additional days in the hospital.

I spent the next few weeks trying to return to "normal", and I am still not there. I did go back to school a week and a half ago, and that has definitely been a challenge, but good to get back into a routine. Although I must admit that I am already looking forward to the holiday breaks! I still feel quite weak, but my school is being so supportive and we have had an amazing amount of help from family and friends.

This post is a little too informational for my taste, but it's hard to know how to explain all that I have been feeling without explaining what we have been dealing with. Pain has been a part of my daily life for so long, and while the doctors say that this won't completely change that, I look forward to the prospect of it being much less. We have felt so surrounded in prayer and love from our community of faith, and I have been reminded once again of what an amazing family I have and what an amazing and powerful God that we serve.

It's funny and amazing to me because, honestly, I think that Matt did know what he was getting into. He knew that taking me as a life mate also meant taking all of my health problems. And he took me anyway. He has been my rock through all of this and I can't ever find words to say how thankful I am that God made him my husband. I don't know how he did all that he did, spending the nights in a chair by my bedside, taking care of Jack, going to work every day, not to mention running lesson plans back and forth to school and putting my grades in the computer for me! What a guy! My parents and Matt's parents were amazing in helping with Jack and also spent countless hours by my side. My mom and dad have been there every step of the way, since this first began many years ago...and there is no way I could have ever made it through without them.

I have written before about Matt being the student council president at Fort Worth Christian when my mom was working there and I was in the hospital eight years ago (the six month stay). He led many prayers for Mrs. Tyndall's daughter(that would be me) who was so sick in the hospital. Little did he know that he was praying for the girl that would one day be his wife. We know now that God was answering those prayers for years to come. He healed me then and those prayers that Matt prayed for my healing continue to be answered as he now stands beside me as my husband.

I am, above all, thankful for the Lord's healing in my life. Just as I have been saved by Him, and continue to be saved each new day, I have witnessed first hand as he daily heals not just my soul but also my body. He also knew what he was getting into, and yet He still sent His son to save me. In the past month, I can honestly say that I have felt that salvation on a physical as well as spiritual level in a whole new way. Praise God for new beginnings...His power really is made perfect in our weakness!

pray for jack's pappy

2006-09-14T06:37:00.000-05:00

Please say a prayer for my dad at 11:30 this morning. He is going in for a heart cathterization. You can read more of the details on mom's blog .

I can remember each one of my dad's three heart attacks like they were yesterday, and I am just so thankful that the doctor is working to prevent another one. As with any procedure there is some anxiety. We are not afraid, because we know that the victory is already the Lord's. My dad is one of the most unselfish, loving, convicted, funny, and tender-hearted people that I know. My sweet son shares his middle name. He even knows that, he calls himself Jack "Shwanklin" (Franklin), named after Pappy "Shwanklin"...we are grateful for the prayers we have been covered with already and I just ask that if you have a moment at 11:30 to stop and pray that the Lord has his hand on my dad during this procedure.

On another note...that means I need to go make sure that I am prepared for my sub this afternoon...Yikes!

Jehovah Shammah...God is with Us

2006-09-05T21:34:00.000-05:00

Well it's been a long time since I last posted. Things have been pretty crazy around here. We have been so blessed with a smooth time of transition with me going to work. It has been hard; hardest on me I think. But I am so thankful to have a wonderful supportive husband who walks alongside me, and even more thankful to have a Father in Heaven who has literally been holding me in the palm of His hand these last few weeks. I will continue to rely on his strength, because he is the only source of any strength that I have. I appreciate all the prayers that have gone up on behalf of our family and ask that you continue to pray. The Lord always provides for us, even though that provision doesn't always look the way we might have imagined it. Matt and I have learned that lesson several times and are certainly in the midst of learning it right now. Those of you who have witnessed me bursting into tears at the drop of a hat, thank you for your understanding! I am blessed with so much encouragement, love and support.

On another note, Derek Webb, formerly of Caedmon's Call has a new album out that deals with some important and sensitive themes including social justice, poverty, and politics. These are hard topics, but certainly ones that need to be talked about within our communities of faith. I am thankful for talented musicians who are not simply using their voice to manipulate, but rather seek to open up discussion about the things that should concern the people of God most...his children. Rather than seeking to identify with a political party, maybe we should remember where our true identity lies and who our allegiance is to. You can actually download the entire album for free (with the artist's blessing) at this site , and you can read more about why he is offering it for free here. The older I get, the more I realize that being a child of God is about loving your brothers and sisters...all of them. I am so thankful for the many voices that I hear speaking out for a return to the greatest command...love.

***COMING SOON...Pictures of Jack's First Hair Cut!!! (Yes, we actually did it...but don't worry...I couldn't let all the curls go!)

logan

2006-08-09T00:03:00.000-05:00

It is in the wee hours of Wednesday morning and I cannot sleep. Today we are in fervent prayer for my sweet nephew, Logan, who is undergoing major surgery at the Mayo Clinic. My mom and dad are there in Minnesota with my brother and his family and you can read more updates on her blog We wish that we could be there to surround them physically, but we know without a doubt that the presence of the Lord will be in that place. So we will wait and we will cry out to Jehovah Raphae, the Lord who is our healer. Please join us in praying and in being witness to the miracles that we believe with all of our hearts will take place in Logan's life.

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. Job 5:9

We love you, sweet Logan. And we believe that the Lord will be faithful, for He can be no other way.

to my jabberin' jack-jack...

2006-07-28T23:31:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that you are two years old today. How quickly the time goes by, and how blessed I am to be your mother. Your precious spirit is a blessing to everyone you come in contact with and it is amazing to watch as you grow and become the person God has created you to be. I love to watch you as you discover and learn. You are so intelligent, so helpful, so gentle, so joyful. You have your daddy's sense of humor already and I think you've inherited my love of cleaning! Everyone always has a funny "Jack story" to tell...you just bring joy to so many lives. I never could have imagined, two years ago, as I held your five-pound body in my arms who you would become in such a short amount of time. You teach me daily to slow down and to enjoy each precious moment. Now your 34", 26-pound body is almost overtaking your short mommy, and yet you still ask me each day, "mommy, hold you?", and each night, "mommy, rock you?"

Your laugh is infectious, and I love to listen to you jabber, to hear you say, "i lub (love) you", to watch you play in the floor with your daddy, to see your joy when you see family members who love you so much, to listen to you make up songs on my guitar, to watch as you play with your toys so carefully and examine how each part fits together and works, to hear you count to 14 and spell your name all by yourself (thank you sesame street), and to hear you say, "God is love". I cherish the time that we spend in the rocking chair as we sing and pray and recite scripture with each other. I see in you the innocence that God commands and loves.
I wrote you a letter earlier this year that really sums up so many of the wishes that I have for you right now in my heart. It is so amazing how I can already see God working through your life, and how you my precious son have changed our lives forever. We are so thankful for you, so proud of you, and so hopeful as we look forward to many more years with you. I never could have dreamed how blessed I would be, and with each day my cup runs over even more. It is scary to think about raising a child in the world that we live in today, but I do not fear, because I know that you belong to the Lord...you have always been His. Determination has always been a strong trait within you...you were determined to be here on this earth, and early at that...you fought hard then, and I have no doubt that you will continue to fight hard for the Lord. I am so thankful for you and love you so very much.

The verse that we printed on your birth announcement has been such a reminder to me throughout these last two years of how the Lord knows just what we need and when we need it.

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth." ~Psalm 127:3,4

My son, you are just what we needed. We are stronger because of you and we are blessed to have you in our lives. I pray that you will always know how much we love you and even more, how much you are known and loved by God. You are ours for awhile, but His for all time. Happy birthday, my sweet Jack Jack. I love you, ten thousand miles high.

birthday season...

2006-07-27T09:53:00.000-05:00

is upon us at the Pinson house. We somehow managed to have all of our family milestones so far within the period of about two and a half weeks. Matt and I celebrated our anniversary on July 19th...Jack, who was due to come on August 28th of 2004 decided to make an early appearance on July 28th, just one day before my birthday, July 29th. We end with Matt's birthday on August 6th...it's a fun-filled few weeks of cake and combo-presents (ugh, just kidding!) So...yes, there will probably be a cheesy birthday post tomorrow for my little boy who is not so little and turning two tomorrow...just get ready people, if you don't like it, sorry! This is just a rather nostalgic time of year, and seems to be even more so this year as we get ready for lots of transition for all of us. I wonder if we have another child who is born at a different time of year if they will feel left out, or if they will be glad to have some birthday time all to themselves?!

our best friend is green and lives in a tree...

2006-07-26T16:23:00.000-05:00

so these are our new best friends lately

it really is a cute show...we have both videos that are out right now...and are of course highly anticipating "bananas, bubbles, and busy bodies" due out in Fall 2006...i am just thankful that we finally got the full length videos and aren't watching the 5 minute preview DVD over and over all day long! for real though, Jack really enjoys it, and I do too...you can find out more about it here

for my incredibly hot husband...

2006-07-19T10:29:00.000-05:00

I, Christine, take you Matt to be my husband.
I pledge to you my love
in the presence of our family, our friends, and our God.
I promise to be yours and yours alone,
and to love you as Christ loves his church.
I promise to celebrate with you in times of joy,
and to comfort you in times of sorrow.
I promise to love you faithfully; to honor and cherish you-In sickness and in health; in good times and bad.
I promise to be your best friend; to pray with you and for you, and to hold your hand
as we help each other get to Heaven.
Where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay.
Your people will be my people, and your God my God.
This is my promise for as long as we both shall live.

Alot has happened in the past three years. On July 19, 2003 I thought I couldn't love you more, but I was very wrong. Each day, I fall in love with the man that you are and the man you are becoming. The road hasn't been easy, but the Lord has continued to provide for us and show us his grace at every turn. You have been such a wonderful leader, faithful to follow his call and to lead our family in his ways. We have seen sickness and health, we have seen good times and bad, and I have no doubt that we will face many more trials. But I am truly confident and at peace knowing that I am travelling on this journey with you beside me. We have lived in five different homes, we have graduated college, we have seen jobs come and go, you have stood beside my hospital bed holding my hand, and we have welcomed a precious soul into the world. I can't even describe the joy and pride that I feel when I watch you as a father. It is something that God truly designed you to be, and you are teaching Jack every day what it is to be God's man. Thank you for loving me, for putting up with me, for understanding me (or at least pretending to). Three years doesn't seem that long, and yet I feel like you have always been with me. From the days before we had met when you led your school in prayers for a girl you didn't even know, not knowing that she would someday be your wife, to the nights now that I listen to you pray over our son, our marriage and our family...I am more in love with you than I have ever been, more thankful for you with each breath, more excited to watch the future unfold in God's perfect timing for our little family. And just as the words of Ruth that we spoke in our vows, there is nowhere that I would rather be in any situation than beside you.

I remember the verse that we claimed on our wedding day, and I continue to pray it over each day of our lives together...
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ ~Romans 15:5,6

The words that I sang right before I walked down the aisle were true then, and are true each day of my life with you...
My Jesus, I love thee. I know thou art mine. For thee, all the follies of sin I resign. My gracious redeemer; my savior art thou. If ever I loved thee, My Jesus tis' now.

You are faithful, you are kind, you are honest, you are gentle, you are courageous, you are talented, you make me laugh (and everyone else), you are a wonderful father, you are handsome, you are strong, you are selfless, you are understanding, you are loving, you are Christlike...you are the love of my life.

Happy Anniversary, Matt.
I thank God for you, and I love you...ten thousand miles high.

no one promised the road would be easy...

2006-07-12T15:59:00.000-05:00

So much going on right now...summer is almost gone, even though summer weather seems here to stay...it is so hard to only be able to take Jack outside for very short periods of time. Matt's parents just got a pool and that has been wonderfully refreshing...hopefully they don't mind us "just stopping by" even more now!

In about two weeks, I am supposed to report for teacher inservice for my new job. I will be teaching middle school theatre. This is a decision that has had our hearts completely wrenched for months, but I am learning to trust my husband's leading as he follows the leading of the Lord. Jack will be going to a sitter, a wonderful woman who we know and trust will care for Jack very well. We know that social interaction will be good for him and that he will enjoy playing with the other kids, and we know that if I can work for even a year or two, that it will help us tremendously. I am so thankful that I have had these last two years with Jack, as I know that many women don't even get that chance. This has been very hard on me, and will continue to be difficult, but I am clinging to the passage in Ecclesiastes 3 that tells me this is only a season of my life, it's not forever. In the same breath that I say that, I realize that Jack being in this stage is only a fleeting season as well. But we trust that the Lord has opened these doors for a reason to help us get on our feet a little more and that it will only be temporary. I know I will enjoy teaching these kids. I love middle schoolers, and I know that is not a love that Lord puts on just everyone's heart, so I feel like I should follow that call! I also feel like this will be a great ministry opportunity for me, a way for me to share Christ's love with these kids through our interactions each day. Whoever said God cannot be in public schools underestimates God. The great thing about middle school theatre is also that the outside time is much less than it would be in highschool. The part-time job I had before teaching at the performing arts company was great, but Matt and I met each other coming and going, as those classes were in the evenings. Now I am thankful that we will all be home each afternoon and evening together. (I'm trying to focus on the positive here!) I have received alot of encouraging words, and of course, some not so encouraging. But I know that the plans the Lord has for each family are different, and I trust that he will give me the strength that I need to be everything that I need to be for Him, and for my family. It is a very difficult situation, but I have no doubt that God will use it to provide for us, bless us and teach us as he has so many times on our road so far. I would ask for prayers on our behalf that we will have a peace about this decision that we feel the Lord has led us to, that we won't allow Satan to trap us with doubt and discouragement, and most importantly that Jack will make this transition as smoothly as possible.

On another note...anyone who knows me might say that I like to sing...I have been so blessed in the past few nights as I rock Jack (or "mommy, rock you" as Jack says to me) to hear his sweet little voice singing with me. I have tried not to drill anything into him, because I do want him to have his own interests...but of course I am so thankful that he asks to sing all day long (almost as much as he asks to pray, if you read my last entry!) He has a cd that he loves to listen to in the car of praise music, and he just giggles with delight as soon as it comes on. And next time you see him, you have to ask him to sing "high" and "low", because it is absolutely hilarious. The other night as I rocked him and sang Jesus Loves Me, he sang every single word in the sweetest munchkin voice. Then I sang to him the song I have sung every night since he was born, and was brought to tears as he sang with me...I changed to word "I" to "You" when he was born as I sang it to him, but now that he sings along, I think I will change it back, so he learns to claim these words...

I (You) have a maker; He formed my (your) heart.
Before even time began, my (your) life was in His hands.
He knows my (your) name.
He knows my (your) every thought.
He sees each tear that falls; and he hears me (you) when I (you) call.

I (You) have a Father; He calls me (you) His own.
He'll never leave me (you), no matter where I (you) go.
He knows my (your) name.
He knows my (your) every thought.
He sees each tear that falls; and he hears me (you) when I (you) call.

I am so thankful that my little boy is already claiming these words as his own...what a precious blessing to hear that tiny voice lifting praises to the Father. I am just constantly amazed at how the Lord uses my child to teach me. I don't know why it amazes me so much, he said it himself that they are what we must become.
Thank you, sweet Jack, for reminding me of the precious gift of praise in a whole new way. May his praise always be on your lips, and may you never forget this truth:

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. (Psalm 71:5,6,8)

elmo gets a check-up

2006-06-12T16:24:00.000-05:00

I love this little boy...he is a constant source of love, joy, and of course, entertainment! He has recently given us a whole new picture of "praying without ceasing"...no matter where we are, at dinner, before bed, in target, in the car, anywhere...he will stop me several times a day, bow his head, fold his hands and say,"Mommy...this" And we pray...we pray in Target, we pray in the car...we pray at the park. What a precious lesson to learn from my 22 month-old! Thank you Lord, that he already knows that he can talk with you at any time! I am so thankful that we have Jack for a little while, but even more thankful that he will always belong to the Lord.

start spreadin' the news...

2006-06-02T14:10:00.000-05:00

i'm leavin' today...i want to be a part of it...NEW YORK, NEW YORK!

okay, so we aren't moving...but our trip was wonderful! it was so nice to have time with matt and to experience such an amazing place together...we saw three shows-"The Drowsy Chaperone" is Sutton Foster's new show and it is wonderful, especially for musical theatre lovers, as it pokes fun at and celebrates what the theatre is all about in a funny and very clever show-definitely deserving of its 13 tony nominations..."The Light in the Piazza" is just beautiful-the music, the lighting, the sets...you definitely get whisked away into the romance that is Italy..."The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" is another fun one...we were very happy with all three of our choices. After we got in on Friday night, we had a fabulous dinner with Jason and Allison, a couple that we actually met in blogworld...their apartment, dinner and conversation were great, and it was fun to be around their son, Levi, who is the same age as Jack...We walked the brooklyn bridge, explored central park, we walked everywhere really, and I LOVED THAT...i will be forever ashamed that here at home people(myself included) will drive their car from one end of a shopping center to another so they don't have to walk that far...it was so nice to be outside and to see all kinds of people in one place. We rode the Staten Island Ferry and got a good view of the Statue of Liberty, saw the World Trade Center site, and the Empire State Building was right outside our window...Our hotel was right in Times Square and as exciting as that area was, I was glad to do some non-touristy things like visiting The Strand Bookstore, Bank Street Books where we found Jack a children's book on New York and his very own taxi that he has hardly put down since we got back, Brooklyn Industries-a neat little clothing store, strolling down the streets with brownstones in Brooklyn, people watching in Washington Square Park, just exploring in Greenwich Village (where we did have a celebrity sighting--walked right past Sandra Oh), and enjoying long strolls just wondering about all those people who actually live on Park Avenue! Everywhere that we ate was wonderful...we did everything from a local diner, to a hot dog at Gray's Papaya, to Ruby Foo's...a wonderful pan-asian restaurant, to a sidewalk french cafe, to the best pizza in New York city at Grimaldi's in Brooklyn, to dessert at Serendipity, to my favorite...a charming little place on the upper east side called Elaine's. We made it to a good many places in the city, and of course we could have still seen much more...I can't wait for our next trip!

Here's some pictures...

Outside the Marquis Theatre, after "The Drowsy Chaperone"

Outside the beautiful Lincoln Center where we saw "The Light in the Piazza"

Circle in the Square Theatre, where we saw "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee"

I really love this picture Matt took of the amazing Grand Central Station, standing amidst all the movement of the city. Yes, that's me telling him to hurry up because it's time to cross the street! And we learned quickly that when it's time to cross, it's time right now!

Frozen hot chocolate and a strawberry cheesecake sundae...YUMMMMMY! It's a good thing we were doing so much walking!

On our walk across the Brooklyn Bridge

A lunch picnic in Central Park

If you look closely, you can see Katie, Matt and Al...we got to be there for Katie's last working day on the Today show...that was fun! I still didn't get to meet any of them, but it was still neat to see those people in person that are in my living room every morning!

This church was amazing. They say you could lie the Statue of Liberty down inside of it. Beautiful.

Someone had made a peace sign out of flowers on the John Lennon Memorial in the "Strawberry Fields" area of Central Park.

Okay...so we had a great time...however, this was still probably the best part of our trip! Jack had a great time with both sets of grandparents, and of course didn't get spoiled at all! I am glad that he did so well with us being away that long...but I also know that I will never lose that picture in my mind of him running towards us with his arms out, yelling "Mommy! Daddy!" What a sweet moment...Looks like we were squeezing him a little hard, but hey, we missed him!

MFFL's and Bono

2006-05-23T16:08:00.001-05:00

GO MAVS!!! What an exciting series! I have some cute pictures of my guys in their jerseys that I will try to post later.

On another note, I am excited to watch Nightly News with Brian Williams tonight as they broadcast Bono's trip to Africa.

the office

2006-05-12T15:22:00.000-05:00

well, we love this show around our house...and if any of you didn't see it last night...here's the wonderful ending! ...i missed the best part while giving Jack his bath, so Matt also put this link on his blog...he thinks it might have turned the show a little girly, but i think it's great because now couples everywhere can enjoy it even more!

jenna...this post is especially for you...now we can watch it over and over before we go buy the second season dvd of course!

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills...

2006-05-09T15:13:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or does anyone else have to try typing in those word verification things more than once almost every time they comment?!

need input...input...

2006-05-05T15:11:00.000-05:00

For those of you who did not catch the movie reference in the title...shame on you, what a classic...

anyway...so speaking of the title...I have a few things that I want some suggestions on...

First...Matt and I are going on a five-day trip to New York in three weeks! I am so excited. This will be our first time away from Jack for more than a night, so that will be hard, but it will be so nice to be together in the greatest city ever. We would love some fun suggestions for our trip. Obviously we know all of the typical tourist attractions, but if you have any unique suggestions, great places to eat, etc...bring them on!

Second...I am working on a summer reading list. One thing I know I want to do this summer is to re-read some of the books that have meant alot to me over the years. That could probably take me all summer, because there are so many books that have meant so much to me at earlier stages of life and I want to read them again to see how they speak to me now. I love that about a book...how it is has a life of its own...how it can touch you in such different ways with the very same words depending upon your circumstances while reading it. Some of my all-time favorites...The Giving Tree, Charlotte's Web, Anne of Green Gables, Number the Stars, Little Women, The Secret Garden, A Wrinkle in Time, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Hiding Place, Redeeming Love, Mrs. Dalloway, The Grapes of Wrath, Jane Eyre, To Kill a Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men, God is no Fool, The Joy Luck Club, Memoirs of a Geisha, The Poisonwood Bible...well, really almost anything by Barbara Kingsolver, Madeleine L'Engle, Elizabeth Berg, Patricia Polacco, Henri Nouwen, Anne Lammot...oh the list could go on and on...

So...here are a few I have on the list for new reading so far...please feel free to leave commentary on any of the ones listed if you have read them...and definitely feel free to add on some new suggestions!

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant (Kate...I bought this book when you were reading it in college, and I still haven't gotten to it...I am determined that I am going to read it this summer!)
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
Night by Elie Wiesel (I can't believe I still haven't read this one...I've wanted to for years...this is the year, folks)
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
Real Sex and Mudhouse Sabbath, both by Lauren Winner
The Rock that is Higher by Madeleine L'Engle
Operating Instructions by Anne Lammot
Theater and Incarnation by Max Harris
Teacher Man by Frank McCourt

There are actually several that I would like to read by Anne Lammot, Eugene Peterson and Walter Bruggemann, and I am always looking for new great children's books to add to my collection...any suggestions?

Finally...we have moved into a little rent house like I mentioned in the last post...it is so nice to have more space, hardwood floors and a big back yard for Jack to run wild in...and he does! Like I also mentioned in the previous post...I am wanting to take up gardening. I have kind of been talking about it jokingly, but really it is a hobby that I have always wanted to pick up. However, I literally know nothing on the topic...so any tips, suggestions for beginners...would be much appreciated...if you're even still reading, that is!

guess who's back...back again...???

2006-05-01T11:46:00.000-05:00

yeah...so it's been awhile...i hope all three of my readers haven't given up on me...

things have been crazy in the past couple of months, and i kept wanting to post, but feeling like i had completely poured out my heart on that last one left me feeling a little inadequate...oh well...here i am, back again! we have just gotten the internet at our new house so i feel reconnected with the real world...we are trying to get settled in...it's a great little rent house with hardwood floors, a big back yard and a third bedroom that i am hoping will quit looking like a storage room soon. jack loves the backyard...i think that i am going to have to take up gardening because i have a feeling that we will be spending most of our daylight out there. jack is growing everyday...i can't believe that he will be two in july! i will try to post some recent pictures soon...i just wanted to check in and say that i am still out here...more to come later...

my son, do not walk in fear...

2006-03-02T04:49:00.000-06:00

I have had this post in my heart for weeks now, and I can't sleep anymore until it is written. I am so sick of the injustice and ignorance that is all around us. And I am sick of hearing myself say that I am sick of it. Tonight, instead, I have written a letter to my Jack; a prayer for him that his generation will be better...and in writing these words, maybe I can find the strength to be better too.

My Son,

Do not walk in fear. For this not the spirit that he has given you. You are filled with a spirit of power, and of love and of a sound mind. Within your soul is the power of the one who created the heavens and the earth, the love of the Savior who died for every man, and the sound mind to reject the ignorance of this world. Don't be fooled by those who proclaim to follow him, yet ignore his suffering children. And don't let that ignorance creep into your spirit. Seek him with all of your heart and your heart will begin to break for those things that his heart breaks for. Your eyes will no longer see black, white, male, female, gentile, jew, gay, straight, punk, gangster, rich, poor. But your eyes will see people; people made in the image of God, people whom God dearly loves and wants you to love as well. Love them, my son. Love them unswervingly, unconventionally, unconditionally. Love them when they don't want to be loved, and when everyone else gives up on them. Walk alongside your fellow man with the knowledge that you share one maker, one hope and one destiny; with the knowledge that there is going to be a great big party in the sky and that we are all invited.

This walk will not be easy, but do not be discouraged, for He is with you always. Some say that the children are the future. I say that our children, you my child, will not only be the future, but will also hear generations past crying out for you to save them from what they have done to one another. We are guilty of hate, guilty of injustice, guilty of violence, guilty of self-indulgence, guilty of ignorance. And yet, in the midst of all of this guilt is a perfect sea that bathes it all in mercy. Do not carry our guilt. For the Lord does not delight in sacrifice. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart. So let your heart be broken, my precious son. As it is broken, let it be filled with the redemptive love of our Savior, and then live in response to that redemption you have received. My son, do not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. This world is not yours to judge, or even to fix. Find rest in him, for his yoke is easy and his burden is light. The very one who created you, who spoke the earth into existence, longs to give you rest for your soul. He who sees the depths of that soul, and all of the darkness that creeps in, sees only light. So do not be afraid, or worry about tomorrow. Live today in the grace and mercy of Christ, and with the knowledge that only in death will you truly gain. For today my son, act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. Walk with the God who says that yes, life is hard, and yes we will fail, but that he is Lord and there is no mistake that you can make that will keep him from being glorified when you make that your priority.

Love your family, love your friends, love your enemies, love those you cannot see who are on the other side of the world. Know that to live is Christ. And Christ did not live safely. My son, I pray that you will live so boldly that you will drive fear into the heart of the evil that lurks outside your door. I pray that your eyes will see the hurting, the forgotten; those who think that they have no one. Bear their burdens, and instead of trying to have wise words about the plans of God, leave those plans to him. He will be the ultimate haven of rest...but in this life, my son, be a shoulder that is okay to cry on, an ear that doesn't mind the screaming, and a heart that shares the pain of your brothers and sisters. For the same Lord who gave us his unfailing love watched His son die on a tree for your fallen soul. And I know He must have hurt deeply for His child. Learn from this my child. It is okay to hurt, it is okay to be angry. It is important to remember Friday as we anxiously await Sunday. But Sunday will come. Sunday will come, and then we shall know fully ; even as we are fully known. The injustice and sin and pain will all fall away, leaving only that which he created us to be.

I love you more than I could ever explain and my precious son, I pray that you will always know how much you are loved. I pray that even more than the love of a parent, you will know the indescribable love of God that will never fail you. You are mine for awhile, but you are his for all time. I pray that your life will be a reflection of his grace and peace. And I pray that you will love with his heart. Let your loyalty not lie in the busyness of religion, but in the business of his kingdom. For he has called you to be his disciple and he has called you to a love that will lay its life down for another. Lay your life down, my son. Take his love into the dark corners, for he is already there waiting for you. Let your generation be the one to see justice rolling down like rivers and righteousness like an everflowing stream.

My son, do not walk in fear, for this is not the spirit he has given you. His words are written on your heart, and your name is engraven on the palm of his hand. He will not forget you. Do not forget him or his children. Walk with a sound mind, in love and in power. Walk forward towards the cross, run to the hurting, rest in his grace, and meet me at the party.

i still love you blogspot

2006-02-28T00:03:00.000-06:00

i am not abandoning the blog, but i have just been sucked into the MySpace phenomenon, and it is really addicting. i have talked to people that i literally haven't seen since elementary school...it's crazy how many people are on there, and fun to see what people are up to...even matt got sucked in!

i still love reading and writing blogs, but for some reason i have had some writers block lately...myspace requires a little less intelligent writing! anyway, just wanted to update my readers...all 3 of you...that i am not gone...i just took a little break!

looking for the perfect valentine? how about a teddy bear holding a heart

2006-02-09T22:13:00.000-06:00

Matt and I were a little disappointed this last weekend as we had really looked forward to Steve Martin hosting SNL. It wasn't really all that special...but this commercial was definitely hilarious!

thoughts to click on

2006-01-29T13:24:00.000-06:00

This is a great movie.

This is an amazing ministry with a very cool website.
One quote from the video that really struck a chord with me: "They don't act like christians or religion people...they act like friends; people you can count on"

My baby boy is getting so big! My heart aches to think about how fast this goes by and yet every moment with him, watching him discover the world, is an absolute joy.

SOME OF MY FAVORITE TUNES RIGHT NOW:

This precious boy deserves his miracle. Get a bracelet like ours and continue to pray that the Lord will bring peace and healing to the Hays family.

hurricane poster project

2006-01-26T23:29:00.000-06:00

My sweet and talented husband directed me to this very cool website.

heartache

2006-01-20T14:13:00.000-06:00

This week has been full of much heartache and sadness over one who has lost her life. I did not even know this woman personally, but knew of her because she was also a theatre major at ACU, and because my uncle is an elder at the church where her husband ministers. I can remember hearing about her in the theatre department when I was there, and she was only 4 years older than I am right now. She lost her devastating battle with depression this week tragically and so many are grieving. I have not been able to get it out of my mind or heart this week. It is my prayer that people will begin to realize how real this disease of mental illness and depression is and how devastating it can be to more people's lives than we could probably imagine. I pray that, of all places, the church will be one that is safe for those who wage war with this attack of the devil on their minds and souls.

It is my prayer that Jehovah Shammah will be ever present in the lives of this precious woman's family, especially that of her husband and her two precious girls. I have been thinking of many verses this week, but one that stuck out in my mind was Psalm 130. I pray that those who are sinking into the depths will have the strength that they need to cry out to Jehovah Raphae for healing, and that as their brothers and sisters that we will be a constant source of encouragement and reminder of Jehovah Nissi; the Lord who is our banner and our hope.

Psalm 130

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness;
therefore you are feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

some of my favorite words from MLK, Jr

2006-01-15T23:57:00.000-06:00

Any religion that professes to be concerned about the souls of men and is not concerned about the slums that damn them, the economic conditions that strangle them and the social conditions that cripple them is a spiritually moribund religion awaiting burial.

Modern psychology has a word that is probably used more than any other word. It is the word "maladjusted." Now we should all seek to live a well adjusted life...but there are some things within our social order to which I am proud to be maladjusted and to which I call upon you to be maladjusted. I never intend to adjust myself to segregation and discrimination...to religious bigotry...to economic conditions that will take neccesities from the many and give luxuries to the few. I never intend to adjust myself to mob rule. I never intend to adjust myself to the tragic effects of the methods of physical violence and to tragic militarism. I call upon you to be maladjusted to such things...because it may well be that the salvation of our world lies in the hands of the maladjusted.
I call upon you to be as maladjusted as Amos who in the midst of the injustices of his day cried out in words that echo across the generation, "Let judgment run down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream." As maladjusted as Abraham Lincoln who had the vision to see that this nation could not exist half slave and half free. As maladjusted as Jefferson, who in the midst of an age amazingly adjusted to slavery could cry out, " All men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights and that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." As maladjusted as Jesus of Nazareth who dreamed a dream of the fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man, who could look into the eyes of the men and women of his generation and cry out, "Love your enemies. Bless them that curse you. Pray for them that despitefully use you."
God grant that we will be so maladjusted that we will be able to go out and change our world and our civilization. And then we will be able to move from the bleak and desolate midnight of man's inhumanity to man to the bright and glittering daybreak of freedom and justice.

Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become reality. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.

If a man is called to be a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

such a texan...he's already a crazy football fan!

2006-01-05T22:12:00.000-06:00

This kid stayed up till the end cheering for Vince Young! It was an exciting game, and even though mommy is an Aggie fan, it was nice to see the home state win in the end, especially with how cocky USC seems to be...i'm kind of sad that there's no more college football for awhile...i definitely prefer it to pro, but hey, at least the season ended on an exciting note!

speaking of crazy football fans...he does get it honestly! check out his Uncle Brad's blog for today...

fort worth zoo...in JANUARY!

2006-01-04T16:24:00.000-06:00

There was lots of fun to be had at the Fort Worth Zoo today, and Jack, Hayley, John and Bella took advantage of that. Baby Anna Claire and Baby Garrett made us all smile too and somehow I ended up with no pictures of those sweet ones. Although I have personally been a little bitter about this weird weather we are having in January, Jack and I have had lots of fun outside, spending yesterday at the park and today at the zoo...I can't believe that all of these sweet babies born together are now all running around...it was so fun to watch Jack ooh and ahh and make all of his animal sounds...we look forward to many more trips to the zoo!

Jack loved the petting zoo...

Here, you can see him here making a "kiss kiss" noise to try to get the lazy goats' attention!

Here's Jack and mama watching the lion cubs play...That Mama Lion looks pretty tired, and by this point in the day, I was identifying with her pretty well!

Jack and Hayley chillin with the flamingos

Here's Jack and his friend John enjoying some time with the pigs...they are going to have to stick together in the coming years, because they are sorely outnumbered by the girls!

More hanging out with the pigs...

Jack and Isabella...so cute!

Jack and John hanging out with the goats...are these boys gonna be heartbreakers or what?

Sweet Hayley playing peekaboo!

God is no fool

2006-01-03T15:24:00.000-06:00

I am so glad that this wonderful book by Lois Cheney is back in print. I don't know if I could count how many times I checked it out of the ACU library or how many times it spoke directly to my soul, but I am hoping that soon I can have my very own copy (hint, hint...wish I had thought of this BEFORE Christmas!)

...I need a word,
A good, solid word.

That shows how I feel
When the day is over
And I've worked well
And I'm glad to be so tired.

I need a word for when
I've spent hours and hours
With those I love, and I'm
Talk-sore and smile-aching.

I need a word for when
I'm alone, and over the miles
Are parts of my heart, deep in others
Who are warm, and safe, and at peace.

I need a word for when
A job looms like a greyhound
And I can do it, and I want to do it
And I tingle to get at it.

I need a word for that
Warm, gentle flow that
Covers every corner of my being,
And says, "Lo, I am with you always."

I need a word
Real bad,
And I think it might be
"joy"

Or maybe it's
"God."
Then again, maybe,
They're the same
Word.

i love this kid...

2006-01-02T23:21:00.000-06:00

for anyone who didn't get the christmas card, here is the picture that was on it...and, sorry!
i am looking forward to playing with my new digital camera more and hopefully posting more pictures soon...
Happy 2006!

a merry christmas had by all

2005-12-29T11:27:00.000-06:00

It was a great Christmas and so fun to watch Jack this year...he still isn't really old enough to get it, but he was so much fun...i actually think it may be more fun that way, because we didn't feel pressure about getting certain presents(we didn't really get him much anyway, because the grandparents had that under control!)...we just enjoyed time together and watching him enjoy the family. We were with my family this year and had a great time...I sang at the candlelight service on Christmas Eve...I had never been to it before, and I am so glad I got to be a part of it, it was amazing to stand up on stage and see all of the candles lit. We spent lots of fun time with my parents and my brother and sister...I am so glad that they all love Matt and that he loves being with them too...my parents left yesterday to visit my older half-brothers and 4 nephews in South Dakota...I wish that we could all be there, but I am so glad that my parents are there...here's some pictures of some of our Christmas fun(thanks to the digital camera that we were given this year to replace the digital camera that we were given last year, which I managed to break)...

Jack and Daddy before church on Christmas morning

Jack and his rocking horse from Santa

Jack's favorite gift so far...he loves to shoot the ball and then shout "OOooohhhhhhh!" along with some very funny jibberish that, when combined with his facial expressions, sounds surprisingly he's talking some trash!...I have no doubt that he AND DADDY are going to have fun with this one!

Christmas Eve at Mimi and Pappy's (my parents)

Uncle Brad, Jack and Matt enjoying some yummy breakfast for dinner on Christmas Eve.

Jack loves his auntie Em!

bloggiversary

2005-11-27T21:14:00.000-06:00

Well, I have officially been a blogger for a year now...I wish I had some great thing to say on this day...my posting has been less frequent in the past few months...so, if you are still reading...thanks, and I'll try to get back on the ball...I know you are all anxiously awaiting that!

We had a great Thanksgiving in Smithville with Matt's family. Jack was all over the place and loved being with everyone and eating all that food! Nothing beats that cherry fluff! We also went and saw Walk the Line, and I was really impressed with Joaquin and Reese...they sang and played the instruments...I just have so much respect for those actors who really do the work.

Matt also gave me some really exciting news about Christmas...he has gotten a free hotel stay at any Marriott in the country, so we are going to NEW YORK!!! Instead of getting each other presents we are going to save our money and plan a trip for sometime in the next few months...I am very excited obviously as this will be my first trip to New York...seeing as my degree is in theatre and I teach theatre classes, it will probably be good for me to finally see a Broadway show! I am so excited and can't wait to start planning...what a sweet husband I have!

Well, not a whole lot else going on here...I'll leave you with some amazing and powerful words from The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning that hang above our desk...
How I treat a brother or sister from day to day, how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike, how I deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the antiabortion sticker on the bumper of my car.
We are not pro-life simply because we are warding off death. We are pro-life to the extent that we are men and women for others, all others; to the extent that no human flesh is a stranger to us; to the extent that we can touch the hand of another in love; to the extent that for us there are no "others."

WHY, Pat Robertson, WHY?!

2005-11-11T23:16:00.000-06:00

How do you post something like this on your website...and then, say something like this??!!

I am just so saddened to think that for many, this is what Christianity looks like. I was under the impression that we served a merciful and compassionate God, whose love was not reserved for a select few. If his remarks are true then where is the hope for any of us, as I am most assured that not one of us has made it through life without "voting God out of our town"?

I am becoming more and more worried about the damage rather than good that "christian" politicians and tv personalities are doing for the kingdom. I do not want to be disrespectful, for then I would be no different than brother Robertson. I see so much good being done at the same time, and I praise God for that. And it is my fervent prayer that our generation does not lose the drive and desire to reach out to the broken instead of giving up on them.

My Little Punkin(s)

2005-11-04T20:53:00.000-06:00

We took Jack to the Flower Mound Pumpkin Patch last week, and had so much fun watching our little man.

Jack sure does love his daddy (and who can blame him...I'm a lucky girl)

He's getting so big!

Matt and I look like a two-headed person in this one, but it's so rare that I am on this side of the camera, I was just glad to get a decent shot of all three of us!

Scary...but I just loved it that he was walking around the house in his costume and his diaper! They look so cute, but this doesn't really help my case for getting the playstation out of the house!

I just thought we needed one more of the cutest little puppy in the world! Look at those teeth!

"wuh-wuh-wuh" (translation: "woof woof woof")

2005-11-01T22:27:00.000-06:00

puppy makes a phone call
Originally uploaded by christine_pinson.

jack...what does the puppy dog say?

2005-11-01T22:24:00.000-06:00

puppy dog jack
Originally uploaded by christine_pinson.

ABC...Trips 1, 2, and 3

2005-10-24T10:07:00.000-05:00

A is for "Airplane"...the one that Jack slept on all the way to Minnesota, and all the way back to Dallas...what a great kid!

B is for "Blake and Katie's Wedding"...so sweet to watch our amazing friend, who went all the way to an orphanage in Haiti to meet this amazing woman, get married and prepare to go back to that work with his new bride. (I guess in this section, I should also mention "Baja Burrito"! Wouldn't be a trip to Nashville without it)

C is for "Car Trip"...the one we took to Nashville through the night, with Baby Jack sleeping again! Thank goodness for our cooler of snacks and the portable DVD player that cousin Melissa Jo loaned us!

D is for "Donna Hester"...one of my favorite professors and people in the world, who performed her amazing piece, "Iron Apron Strings", at the Zoe Conference. It was so incredibly moving and made me even more thankful to know that precious woman. What an encouragement to be reminded of the powerful ministry that theatre is, aside from those cheesy little "don't put God in a box" skits...I only hope that I can use my gifts and training in theatre to minister the way that Donna does.

E is for "Elmo"...the adorable little red puppet, whose singing we got to enjoy for many hours on the road to and from Nashville!

F is for "Farmland"...which we saw alot of in Minnesota...it was very beautiful, the wedding was at a quaint country church, and we even saw an actual pumpkin patch...not the kind we have in Texas where pumpkins are lined up in a grassy area at the fruit stand, but an actual patch where pumpkins grow!

G is for "Girls Lunch"...the one we got to have in Abilene over Homecoming weekend that was so good, and way too short! I love getting to see my girls and it was so fun to watch Baby Jack and Baby Kadin play together...and to hear about the sibling that Kadin has on the way!

H is for "Homecoming"...a fun weekend in Abilene with friends and family.

I is for "Ira"...the sweet baby boy who went with us on all of these trips...and who is HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL! We have read this sweet family's blog for many months now and feel as though we know them. We were proud to wear our green Ira Lester Hays Bracelets and to tell people about this amazing little boy and his amazing family. We continue to pray daily for this tiny soldier.

J is for "Jack Franklin Pinson"...traveler extraordinnaire...he was so wonderful and so much fun...we had many offers from the grandparents to watch him while we traveled, but I am so glad that we ended up taking him with us...because he made everything more fun, especially when he started officially walking the night before we left for Nashville! He is all over the place!

K is for "Ko Jo Kai"...a lovely little club of women that I was a part of while at ACU, with a lovely Homecoming breakfast whose only fault is how horridly early in the morning you must wake up in order to attend!

L is for "Laundry"...I just thought it never ended before! I am just so relieved that I don't have to repack this time!

M is for "McCloud Inn"...our lovely accomodations during our stay in Nashville. It was so nice to see our friends TJ and Holly, and their ADORABLE house...We were sad that they had to leave town while we were there, but so thankful for their hospitality.

N is for "Nashville"...a beautiful place where Matt and I feel strangely at home and have a hard time leaving.

O is for "Otter's"...a great little place on Music Row that Matt and I ate in Nashville...it's all chicken tenders, so all three of us enjoyed it!

P is for "Parade"...the one in Abilene that Jack loved so much...where we got to see his Uncle Kyle march with the other Brats, where Daddy and Uncle Brad were sad for how sad the Galaxy float was, and where Mommy was proud of the Kojies finally winning again!

Q is for "Quiet Time"...and I definitely had some on my stretch of the drive between 3 and 6 am. It really was nice, when my eyes weren't crossing!

R is for "Recouperation"...we're still working on that!

S is for "Super 8"...our lovely accomodations in Minnesota, which included one room for myself and 4 boys...I am just glad that there were two beds and I only had to share with Matt and Jack!

T is for "Tennessee Family"...so thankful for the time we got to spend together with the Daniels in Franklin...their new house is beautiful and Jack had fun with everyone...especially his sweet great aunt Donna.

U is for "Unpacking"...two words...NO FUN!

V is for "Video Camera"...something that we did not use enough on any of these trips...we are rookie parents...and of course, we taped him constantly back when he was a newborn and all he did was lie there, now we are so busy chasing him, we forget we have the camera!

W is for "Walk-In Clinic"...the one we spent 3 hours of our day at before leaving Tennessee, because poor Baby Jack had croup. But, once again, he was still such a good boy, despite the fact he felt just awful.

X is for "Xmas"!...no relation to any of our trips really, and I actually don't like that abbreviation, but I needed an X, and just wanted to remind everyone that there are only ten more Saturdays to shop!

Y is for "Yummy Homeade Soup and Cornbread"...made by my Aunt Donna on a perfect Fall evening in Nashville. It was a wonderful treat to enjoy as we cozied up and watched some football.

Z is for "Zoe Conference"...an amazing time of renewal, awesome worship, and challenge to be Jesus in this world. I was also privileged to witness the first public viewing of the "Mike Cope Sings the Classics" video, which in itself is a classic!
(Z can also be for "Zoo", where we just took Jack for the first time this past weekend...perfect weather and lots of fun!)

Well, we had lots of fun and survived all of our trips over the past few weeks. We were reminded over and over again how blessed we are to have such an even-tempered baby. He adjusted to every change so well, and was so wonderful through hours on planes, in rental cars, in the stroller, and in all kinds of climates. We had lots of fun, but are very happy to be home for awhile! I can't really take credit for this post, as it was my sweet sister's idea...but I thought it was a good way to cover all of our travels without writing way too much as I have been known to do! Although, this is one is probably still too long by many's standards...definitely by my husband's! Oh well...thanks Em for the idea, and I hope all of my little teacher friends out there are proud!

Family Adventures...

2005-09-29T10:39:00.000-05:00

Over the next few weekends, Matt and Jack and I will be having some firsts in our family traveling adventures...Tomorrow morning we fly to Minnesota for our friend Blake's wedding. It is our first to time to fly with Jack. He is 14 months old and doesn't have his own seat. My main concern is that we keep him happy and comfortable, and also that we are considerate of those around us. We know to have him drink as we are taking off and landing...but other than that, does anyone have any tips for flying with kids? Honestly, I have just been praying that we won't sit next to someone who hates children! I might also add the fun tidbit that I get to share a hotel room not only with Matt and Jack, but also with Eric and Micah, two of Matt's friends from highschool! Hope they don't mind a 14 month old waking up in the middle of the night because he is in an unfamiliar bed in Minnesota!

Then, next weekend, we are driving to Nashville to go to the ZOE conference. Yep...you read that right...driving...Now we have made road trips, but I think only about as far as Houston...and that was back when he was sleeping 16 hours a day anyway! We are leaving Wednesday night at bedtime, with the hopes that we might maximize the amount of time he is sleeping in the car(and maybe to limit the amount of Chevy Chase "Vacation" quotes I have to hear from Matt!)...but just in case, any tips here? We are also looking forward to staying with our friends TJ and Holly when we get there...any tips for being houseguests with a baby? He's such a good boy, I'm not anticipating any problems, but I always like to hear from those who have more experience than myself.

As you can see from the picture above he's already quite the little adventurist...so I am sure we'll have some fun stories to tell!
In case you missed the last post, you can look at more pictures by going to Memorable Moments Photography at http://www.memorablemomentsphotography.com

it wasn't me!

2005-09-23T11:13:00.000-05:00

Isn't he adorable? And not mischevious looking at all huh?! For more pictures of my sweetie, click the title of this post. It's memorable moments photography by Kristin Morales.

laying down our lives

2005-09-21T21:59:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning Matt and Jack and I got to go with some of our friends from college to hear Donald Miller speak at the Deep Ellum Church. It was a great group of people and, in a community that has long been associated only with darkness and evil, they have an amazing heart for the mission of Christ. I was so impressed with the hearts of the pastors of this church who have committed to planting a place of refuge, and have some amazing future plans for shining Christ's light in a dark corner that many don't have the courage to go. Matt and I had really enjoyed Donald's book, Blue Like Jazz, and Matt has also read the second one, Searching For God Knows What. I just got him the third one, Through Painted Deserts, and we are looking forward to starting that one. In Searching For God Knows What, he compares our relationship to Jesus through analyzing the familiar play Romeo and Juliet...this is what he spoke about on Sunday, and it was a beautiful analogy that I, even as someone who studied theatre in college, had never fully realized. He focused on the balcony scene, as Juliet tells Romeo that he must deny his name and take his own. He spoke also of how the two characters never consummate their marriage, but only become one through death. It was really enlightening. He also talked about how our society wants so badly to market God...we all want a three step plan, and not a relationship. One thing that he said that I really liked was this...
"The message of the gospel is not, 'Buy this and you will be happy', but instead, 'This is something worth dying for'"
It made me think of my own faith, and how much I doubt my own ability to "lay down my life".In the wake of all of these natural disasters, along with other horrible, sad, and confusing things I am witnessing, I am reminded that we were not promised comfort or peace in this life, but that we can know the one who IS comfort and peace...the one who gives us life to begin with. And I pray that I can open my eyes to the many opportunities that God is putting before me where I can lay my life down and serve Him by serving others.
We are praying for all of those affected by Rita, especially many loved ones of ours who are traveling and sad to leave their homes...we also pray for those from Louisiana who are moving for the second time...I hope that we will all embrace one another, and commit for the long haul to the long process ahead of picking up the pieces.

an insightful response

2005-09-14T12:33:00.000-05:00

With all of the writing on Katrina, my mind is in a fog, and I find I often lose sight of what are truly the most important lessons. I need to talk less...I need to open my ears and my heart to those who have gone through this ordeal, and to what the Lord wants to teach me through it all.I have tried to sit down and write something, but the words have not come in a way that would be even close to intelligible...I am still just groaning...

So today I just want to direct you to my friend Jarod's blog. I think his latest entry is one of the best responses I have seen recently.

I will try to get back to more regular blogging soon...I know you are all just sitting on the edge of your seats!

to my sweet baby Jack

2005-07-28T09:19:00.000-05:00

I cannot even believe that today you are one year old. It is amazing how quickly time has gone by, and yet how it also feels like you have been with me forever. You have changed so much in this last year. You are getting so big, and it is so exciting to watch you explore and discover new things.
A year ago today was an exciting and scary time. You were coming four and a half weeks early and we were so scared about whether or not you would be alright. But the Lord was so faithful and at 5:00 am on Wednesday, July 28, after two early labors being stopped, weeks of bedrest, and 4 days of labor, he gave you to us--a healthy, perfect, tiny baby boy. I will never forget the moment that they handed you to me and I held you in my arms. You didn't even cry...you were so peaceful, looking up at me with those big blue eyes wide open, as if you were just taking it all in. That moment was the greatest miracle I have ever been a part of. After 9 months of a rough pregnancy, worrying about you and about my own weaknesses, we were given an indescribable gift of peace. We learned alot about God's provision and were reminded that God does not call us to a spirit of fear, but of hope. I have been reminded of that lesson many times already in your first year of life as I think upon my great responsibility to raise you to look like Jesus in a world that does not look at Him at all. It has been truly amazing how many lessons you have taught us in this past year, Jack. I have been reintroduced to the cross in a whole new way by looking at you and loving you so much--and thinking about how much greater God's love must be to have given His perfect baby boy up for this world. Thank you for teaching me more about God's love.
Thank you, also, for your amazing spirit. It is so much fun to watch as your little personality develops. You are intelligent and so funny. It is so special to watch as you thoughtfully play with your toys and figure out each little detail. You have kept me on my toes, as I pull you away from the things that catch your eyes the most...ie. remote controls, computers, electrical cords, telephones, the list could go on...I adore your sweet little voice, the hilarious faces and noises you make, the way you can't help dancing when you hear music, and that laugh that is infectious. I am so thankful that you already have a love for music and for reading, and no one cuddles better than you. You are an active little boy, always on the go. You have changed from that little string bean 4 pound peanut to a cuddly, chubby, and unmistakeably adorable bundle of energy that I am totally in love with. You have deepened the love that your daddy and I have for each other as we marvel at the blessing and responsibility that God has given to us through you.You have taught your neat freak mommy to loosen up a bit, and I know that will only grow as I continue to experience the joys of having a little boy. I don't look forward to the bumps and bruises, but I hope you know that I will always hold you when you hurt. There have been times that I have held you and felt helpless myself, wondering how in the world I am capable, but then I can have peace in knowing that while I hold you, someone much greater is always holding us both.

There is a song that I sing to you each night as I rock you in your room. It is a song that was recorded by ZOE, one of our favorite groups to listen to together. I changed the words a bit the first time I sang them to you from "I" to "You", and each night since, they have been a prayer that I sing over you--praying that you would know how deeply you are known and loved by God. Here are the words...

You have a maker;
He formed your heart.
Before even time began,
your life was in His hands.
He knows your name.
He knows your every thought.
He sees each tear that falls,
and he hears you when you call.
You have a father;
He calls you his own.
He'll never leave you,
no matter where you go.
He knows your name.
He knows your every thought.
He sees each tear that falls,
and he hears you when you call.

My precious baby boy, I pray that you will always know how much you are loved by your daddy and me. We are so thankful to have you in our lives. This first year of your life has been the greatest learning experience, joy, and blessing of my life. I pray that even more than our love, you will know the love of God that will never fail you. I am so thankful that He allowed me to be your mommy. You are mine for awhile, but you are His for all time. While you are here, I will always be so very thankful and proud to hear you call me mama. I look forward to many more years blessed by your sweet presence.

Happy birthday, sweet baby Jack--I love you ten thousand miles high

questions with no answers

2005-05-03T23:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it has been awhile since I have posted. Not that I think tons of people are out there anxiously awaiting my next post. But I have had some people ask me why it has been so long. Honestly, I have had a really hard time figuring out what to say. Not that I have nothing to say, anyone who has known me for about a week or more knows that I have plenty to say. But lately it has seemed like I just have so many words and thoughts and don't know where to begin. I find that when it gets like that, I sometimes have to take a break and get my thoughts in order. However, I have a feeling this particular post is still going to be somewhat jumbled.

To be honest, I have been angry lately. I have experienced some serious questioning of the Lord and it has been hard. I am not through it and do not know when I will get there. All I know is that someone long ago was very right...life is not fair. Why is it that my husband and I became pregnant four months after marriage, while on birth control, totally unplanned, still with a year left of college, even after doctors told me it might not even be possible...and yet...I have family members whose babies have died in their arms...complete strangers whose blogs I read daily whose babies are fighting for their lives,some who have not won? Why is this? I love my precious baby boy and thank God every day for the blessing he is in my life. But I refuse to believe the foolish words of those trying to be a comfort saying that "it's all part of God's plan" for other babies to die. NO! Death was not part of His plan. Our fallenness took God's perfect gift of life and turned it into the sin, pain, injustice and death that we witness daily.

I love the Lord, and I do believe that He has a plan. Do I believe that He can work through horrible catastrophes in our lives? Yes. I have seen it firsthand. But I also know that I am a comfort to no one, especially one who is watching their child suffer, when I pretend to ignore the pain that cuts us deep, that makes us human. We cannot ignore the questions...maybe I am just a cynic, but I guess that's why I am also what Mike Cope has called an "already, but not yet" kind of Christian. Yes, I believe that God's reign has broken in, but I mostly long for what is still to come. As he said in part of his January 3rd post...

I deeply love "already Christians." I need to be prodded by them. But I don't share much of their outlook. And it seems at times like their hyper-confidence is damaging to struggling people.
When they talk about all the times God has spoken to them, I think of all the silences. When they speak of instantaneous healings, I remember all the people I've pleaded with God to heal but who died (including my daughter). When they talk about how God keeps pouring down his blessings (often meaning homes, cars, vacations, etc.), I think of all the people who become poorer as a result of their faith.
They speak of a way of blessing. The gospel speaks of a blessing that involves loss and persecution. They leapfrog to Easter Sunday; the gospel goes through Good Friday and Silent Saturday.

There is a new song by Natalie Grant that has really ministered to me because it speaks of this very thing, and is just completely raw and honest. I just love the song because it speaks so boldly and truthfully...i think that is why it can touch people, because it doesn't try to cover up with the same old cliches about God always having a plan...while of course this is true, that is sometimes not the most comforting thing to hear...you want to be told that it is okay to hurt and to grieve...and to know that this is what His love means for us...not that this world will not be hard, but that when it is hard and horrible and full of sin and pain and death, He will hold us...here are the lyrics...

Two months is too little, they let him go, they had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live...it's unfair...

This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it is to be loved, and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness...we want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow. The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it is to be loved, and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering...if this is only the beginning...can we not wait for one hour, watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it is to be loved, and to know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.

This is what it means to be held.

I appreciate the line at the beginning that says it is appalling to think of a child being taken from his mother as she prays. I do not pretend to know what it is like to lose a child, or that I have the perfect words to say...I don't think there are any words that you can say. Even now as I type, I know I am failing to say what I truly wish I could. As a mother, I cannot imagine losing my sweet baby Jack. I do know that instead of trying to have wise words about what God's plans are...I am going to leave those plans to God. He will be the ultimate haven of rest...but in this life, I want to be a shoulder that is okay to cry on, an ear that doesn't mind the screaming, and a heart that shares the pain of my brothers and sisters.

Death was not part of His plan. I trust in the Lord and His unfailing love. I know also that the same Lord who gave us that love watched His son die on a tree for my fallen soul. And I know He must have hurt deeply for His child. Perhaps we can learn a new lesson from that familiar story. It's okay to hurt, it's okay to be angry. It's important to remember Friday as we anxiously await Sunday.

I thank God for the ways that He does use tragedies to bring people to their knees, to bring families together, and to turn His children's eyes to Him. But I also pray, more than any of this...

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

extending the prayer chain

2005-04-20T17:24:00.000-05:00

Because I know that I have friends who occasionally read this(right?!)...I am asking you to pray a special prayer tonight. Matt and I do not know this family from New York, but have been reading their blog for several months now...their baby is to be born tomorrow morning, and he has a congential diaphragmatic hernia-this basically means his diaphragm did not fully form, allowing organs to crowd the chest cavity, preventing lung growth. You can go back and read further on their blogs to understand all that they have already had to endure over the past months at http://www.brooklynchurchplant.blogspot.com

It is an amazing thing to know that Christians from all over the country, and the world, can come to the same table to present our requests to the Lord. Although we do not know each other, and though we may never meet in this lifetime, our prayers lifted up from thousands of miles away are spoken to the same God. I don't know why, maybe because I am a mother now, but I have had a special ache in my heart for this family who I have never even met, for months now. Isn't it amazing that the internet can actually do something for good?! Please, wherever you are, tonight and especially tomorrow morning at 7 am when they induce Laura Hays, stop and say a prayer that their precious son Ira will be the vessel for a miracle...that the doctors will have no explanation but the Lord's mighty power.

Join the Hays family...Joe, Laura, and 2 year-old Sophia in praying this prayer:

Healing power of Jesus Christ, fall afresh on Ira,
Healing power of Jesus Christ, fall afresh on Ira,
Touch him, Stir him, Unfold him, Love him,
Healing power of Jesus Christ, fall afresh on Ira.
(prayer from Howard Booth)

thanks, baby einstein, i'll take it from here...

2005-04-13T11:31:00.000-05:00

I was reading another blog the other day that talked about the amazing amount of commercialism associated with children's programming...it got me to thinking about some of the birthday parties that i have been to for younger cousins in past years...they all seem to have to have some major theme, that is usually associated with a children's show and every piece of decoration, food, etc. is covered with their favorite character...now, i don't mean to criticize...i don't think that television is evil...i mean, we all had our favorite cartoon characters, and yes, jack does watch the occasional baby einstein, sesame street, and ball games with his daddy...but i agree with this other blogger that i don't want jack's room in a few years to be covered from floor to ceiling with tv show paraphanalia...

and more importantly...it reminded me once again that my mom threw the BEST birthday parties in the world!
i could go on and on, but just to name a few of my favorites...

my 5th birthday was a tea party...everyone came in their dress up clothes and brought their baby dolls-except for one girl who chose to come dressed as a dad...my mom made tiny sandwiches and set up card tables in our living room, and she and some of her friends were the waitresses...then after we ate, she had baked little individual cakes for all of us and we got to decorate them...it was such a simple idea, but it still is one of my favorite memories...

on my 8th birthday, i got to have the infamous sleepover...i do believe that was also the year i got the hot pink leather skirt...wow, gotta love the 80s...i have a summer birthday, so we had the olympics in our back yard...my mom set up an obstacle course, consisting of my brother's fisher price car, a swingset, a hula hoop, a picnic bench, a baton, a wading pool and, of course, a slip-n-slide...it was so fun...we all went through and cheered for each other, and then at the end got medals and sang the national anthem in the silly way that you can imagine a bunch of 8 year old girls doing! then after we got inside and cleaned up and opened presents, had cake, etc...we had another game where we paired off...i believe we were given notecards with animal names on them and we had to close our eyes and make that animals sound until we found the other person doing the same sound, and that was our partner! then we were given a roll of toilet paper and sent to various places in the house and told that we would have a toilet paper fashion show in 20 minutes...it was so fun...we had cheerleaders...brides...football players...and to this day, i still cannot figure out how in the world my friend shara made such a beautiful wedding gown, veil, and boquet out of one roll of toilet paper! surely she is a fashion designer now!

my little sister's 3rd birthday was in the backyard, a hamburger cookout and a pony that all of the kids got to ride in a circle around the backyard...my brother's 4th birthday was a jungle party where we all wore safari hats and my mom had decorated the living room with plants and sheets, and made it into a rainforest...it also helped that the living room had bright green carpet...it was also always fun that at a siblings party, we were allowed to invite one friend also...

oh, i could go on and on...but mainly i just wanted to talk about how blessed i feel to have grown up in a house where creativity and imaginative play were encouraged and modeled-i hope that even in this age of severe overmarketing and, to quote that other blogger, merchandising frenzy, that i can teach jack to appreciate creativity...i hope he will have campouts in the family room under a tent of sheets and pillows, i hope he will put on shows for matt and me on saturday nights, i hope that our home will be filled with stories and music and not just the hum of a television in the background...and i hope that my son will never lose the God-given ability to dream beyond what common sense tells you is possible...

i believe i have one of the most creative mothers in the world, and i feel so lucky that she was the one throwing my birthday parties, making stories from the Bible and other books come alive, and teaching me to embrace my imagination...she has always had a natural ability to engage children, and they can't help but fall in love with her...i got an extra bonus...i get to call her mom

Just for Dad

2005-04-04T15:23:00.000-05:00

I'm Tarheel born and Tarheel bred
And when I die, I'm Tarheel dead!
Go Carolina-lina
Go Carolina-lina
Go Carolina-lina
(inappropriate words for Duke, tonight Illinois, go here)

GO TARHEELS!!!!

counting the cost...and going anyway

2005-03-15T10:54:00.001-06:00

Some words from Beth Moore today...

Our nation today knows very little about persecution. We too rarely hear
accounts of people like John and Betty Stam, missionaries to China, who
were beheaded just one month after their arrival in Tsingteh, leaving
behind a three-month-old infant. Or, what about Peter and Lydia Vins,
missionaries to the former Soviet Union? Peter was imprisoned and
never seen again. Lydia's imprisonment followed later. Such a heritage
might be enough to dissuade a child from faith in the gospel. Not so.
Their son, Georgi, surrendered his life to the same pursuit, on the same
field, and was ultimately imprisoned as well. Enough is enough, right?
Nope, his son, Peter, Jr., grew up, dedicated his life to Christ, and
followed the same path to prison. In 1979, under Jimmy Carter's
leadership, the surviving Vins family members were released
from prison, and they continue to serve faithfully in the United States
and abroad. Consider this excerpt from The Hidden Price of Greatness,
written by Ray Beeson and Ranelda Mack Hunsicker:

It seems a paradox that the death of Christians could be the key to
church growth. Yet as surely as the cross of Christ was essential to our
salvation, the sacrifice of believers is crucial to world evangelism. That
is as true today as ever. In fact, the rate of Christian martyrdom has risen
dramatically in recent years. The World Evangelization Research Center
estimates that there were approximately 35,600 Christian martyrs in
1900 compared to an estimated 325,000 in 1989.Martyrdom is a fact of
life in at least fifty countries. The Center concludes from its research that
out of the two thousand or so plans for global evangelization by A.D.
2000, martyrdom is probably the most potent and significant factor of all.

When we read such accounts, we wonder if people like the Stams had any
idea what their commitment might cost them. Would they have dared
surrender to such a sentence? Consider this excerpt from a speech
delivered to the Moody Bible Institute graduating class of 1932:

Let us remind ourselves that the Great Commission was never qualified by
clauses calling for advance only if funds were plentiful and no hardship or
self-denial involved. On the contrary, we are told to expect tribulation
and even persecution, but with it victory in Christ...It is ours to show, in
the salvation of our Lord Jesus Christ, and in personal communion with
Him, a joy unspeakable and full of glory that cannot be affected by outside
circumstances.

The speaker? John Stam, just before his departure to China.

mommy tip of the day

2005-03-07T21:19:00.000-06:00

When trying to get those last few pounds of baby weight off, just don't even walk down the ice cream aisle at the grocery store...TORTURE!

lessons from the nursery

2005-03-01T23:38:00.000-06:00

there really is nothing like the feeling of holding your sweet baby in your arms and watching him fall asleep. baby jack is sick again and i feel so awful for him. this is the second ear infection in a month, and his little tummy is also not doing so well with the medicine for the ear...what a vicious cycle! he just wants me to hold him all the time, and i really don't mind because he is just about the most adorably cuddly little thing in the world! i finally got him to sleep for now...we'll see how many hours he goes before waking in pain...poor little guy, on top of it all he is congested...matt spent the night with him the other night on a blanket in the bathroom with a hot shower running so the steam would let him breathe...what a good daddy he is!

there really is something just so amazing about the fact that my arms have the ability to comfort this little person...to bring him a feeling of safety, warmth, peace, and love. my little boy continually gives me a new picture of God's love for me. i realize that i look to alot of other things to bring me comfort before looking to the source of ultimate peace. my little boy knows where to look...why don't i? i once heard chris seidman explain the holy spirit with an analogy of his little boy. Chris said he didn't think his baby always knew what he needed when he cried...he just knew he needed something, so he cried, and it was his job as a parent to figure out what he needed. in the same way, when we don't know the words to pray and all we can do is groan and cry out to God, the Holy Spirit intercedes and speaks to God on our behalf...i have always thought that was beautiful and it has taken on new meaning since jack was born. just recently i have been reminded again that i often put my faith in people and not in the Lord, and then i am disappointed when people fail me. but God will never fail me. as my baby boy grows, although i love his need for my comfort, i pray that He will always look to the Lord to be His ultimate strength.

one thing about chris seidman's analogy that must happen on our parts...we must cry out...we must look to the Lord...i have learned yet another lesson from my seven month old...help is not far away...all we have to do is cry out, reach our arms up and let our Father hold us in His arms...

things have been crazy lately...i have let myself get completely overwhelmed and unfocused...but as i held my sweet boy in my arms tonight, i cried...i prayed...and i rested in the overwhelming peace of knowing that the Father was holding us both.

Trip to the Alma Mater

2005-02-22T10:28:00.000-06:00

So we went to Abilene for Sing Song this last weekend. It was alot of fun...the clubs that Matt and I were in (Ko Jo Kai and Galaxy) both got second place...again! But they were very cute and both had good shows. I had to remember to be sensitive to my brother and sister, trying to remember how upset we were when we lost. I had to assure them that there is no conspiracy, though I do remember wondering about that when I was the Kojie director! I am confident that their lives will go on and they will still be able to function in society...eventually! The hosts and hostesses were fabulous...I was especially proud of the ones that I knew, and equally entertained by the ones I did not. I am always amazed at the talent. My favorite number in the show was an a cappella version of "Poor Wayfaring Stranger" to the beat of none other than SHADES, the ACU step team! It was AWESOME! Sing Song is such a funny thing when you really think about it...what a neat tradition...and yet, so weird! I got to talk to Kendall and Vivi (the director and his wife) and they told me that they are thinking of having a big reunion of old hosts and hostesses next year for the 50th Sing Song and 100th year of ACU...it was actually pretty sad just how excited I got about that! Being a hostess is one of my favorite memories from ACU...we had such a fun group...and there are people that I am great friends with today because of that experience...Watching the show reminded me how much fun I had being on stage in both Sing Song and all of the theatre productions I was a part of. There is just something about live performance that you can't beat.

I got to Abilene last Tuesday because the Kojies wanted some advice on their show ( I obviously wasn't much help!) Matt couldn't come out until Saturday, so I got a SMALL taste of single-parenthood...and it was SO HARD! How do these people do it?! I wasn't even going to work! And I only have one child! That's just a side note, and it takes me back to a blog that Mike Cope wrote a few weeks ago about reaching out to single parents. I am so thankful for my partner, and help-mate...He is such a good daddy and I don't know what I would do without him. I was also very relieved to read his blog last week entitled, " I hate bachelorhood"! I'm glad he didn't enjoy it too much!

Every time Matt and I are in Abilene we realize how much we miss it there. We actually drove around on Sunday afternoon just looking at all of the houses for sale! We just talked about how while we love where we are and being close to our families, we still feel like we have not found a home. We don't know where we are supposed to end up...maybe just on another side of the metroplex, but we definitely have that "just passing through" feeling. We still would really love to go to Nashville, but who knows what God has in store? I guess we'll just have to wait and see...

Thank you Casting Crowns for Today's Inspiration

2005-02-09T09:58:00.000-06:00

"Who am I,
that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name;
would care to feel my hurt?"

Who are we not to feel the hurts of others and to reach out when the God of all the universe has given us so undeservingly not only his love and salvation, but his broken heart for our sins, our sadness, and our loss.

Who are we to turn our back upon the widow and the orphan, the homeless man on the street, the person sitting next to us in the pew?

Who are we to fill our thoughts and storehouses up with things of this world, when a home more rich and beautiful than anything on this earth has been prepared for us?

Who are we to set our eyes and hearts upon the things that will surely burn, when God has promised us eternity with Him for only fixing our eyes on things eternal?

Who are we to withold from others the forgiveness that has so freely been given to us?

Who are we to deserve this love, this forgiveness, this hope, when all that we do is hate, hold grudges, and complain?

Answer: We are no one, we are nothing, we are hopeless...

But thanks to his mercy and grace, we are free...

It will never be possible to attain the promises that God has for us, but we can choose to live our lives in hope of that day and bathed in His righteousness. We can choose to set our eyes on the only one who can truly satisfy, and we can try to remember exactly who we are...

"I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean;
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling;
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling.
And you've taught me who I am.
I AM YOURS."

a parent's love...indescribable

2005-01-21T15:47:00.000-06:00

Got to spend Monday and Tuesday up at the hospital...it was good to be with Jenna and to see the Cope's. The boys are doing better, but do have quite a long road ahead. I can't imagine how very long it must be in the eyes of a 12 year old especially. I pray that the Lord continues to give them strength and peace. Jack is starting to feel better. In light of all that has been happening, I have realized how very true it is that your whole perspective changes when you have children. All of a sudden, anything that happens to any child, you imagine that being your child. I wanted to protect Jack and take away his virus last week...I cannot imagine the helpless feeling of a parent watching their child lie in ICU, or in a casket.
It took me back to 6 years ago, when I, as an 18 year laid in a hospital bed at the North Texas Hospital for Children at Medical City Dallas for 6 months. I have always been grateful for the sacrifices that my parents made for me, and for my mom sitting at my bedside every single day and night from October of 1998 until March of 1999. But it has been given a whole new meaning to me that I don't think I can even put into words. I am so very grateful for the second chance that God gave me at life, and I will never ever take for granted or second guess the love of a parent again.
It terrifies me to raise a child in the world that we live in. I just want to hold him and protect him, but I know that I must trust in the Lord to hold my child in HIS arms. And I must spend every day on my knees praying that he will choose to let those strong arms hold him always. I am going to include a comment that I made on Mike Cope's blog last week, because it becomes even more relevant now. As I think of all that has happened to these sweet children from Highland, I know more than ever how important it is to show our children each day how very much they are loved.

I am a 24 year old who spent much of my teenage years struggling with bulimia and then anorexia. Being a parent now, I realize even more the fear that my own parents must have felt as they watched me lie in a hospital bed learning how to eat as an 18 year old.
One thing that I would point out about eating disorders specifically is that so much of the disorder, while it is based in physical appearance and body image...so much of it really has to do with control. In my own personal experience, I felt that I could control nothing in my life. I had found a way to stay skinny by throwing up after each meal, and then people found out what was going on and began to follow me to the bathroom. So I decided, fine, I just won't eat. No one can MAKE me eat. I was in a total state of rebellion and self-destruction. I felt that this was the one area of my life that I was in which I had complete control. This was obviously proved wrong when I was admitted to the hospital after my 85 pound body collapsed with no one else at home but my terrified 13 year old brother.

I have wonderful parents who stood by me each baby step of the way. They loved me unconditionally, but refused to let me throw my life away. They helped me to learn that being in control of my life was not my job. And that no matter how "in control" I might have felt, God's plans are always bigger than our own. How thankful I am now to be free of the bondage and pressure of feeling like I needed to do God's job!

I am now the mother of a beautiful 5 month old who is a physical reminder every day to me of God's love. He has given me a whole new picture of the cross. It terrifies me to raise a child in this world, but I know, once again...I AM NOT IN CONTROL.

It is an unfortunate reality that children and teens are going to struggle with self-image. It is also a reality that this struggle does not magically disappear when we become adults. I think that there it is so important to take an active role in our children's lives; to remind them that they are not only our children but that they are first God's children and that He loves them and has a plan for them. They should be told how beautiful and special they are, every single day. Even more, we should live our lives reflecting that love and submitting control to God.

I do believe that parents need to talk to their children; to know what struggles they face. But the most effective thing that can be done is something that I am so thankful that my parents did for me. They lived as examples of Christ's love and devoted their lives to serving Him. They did not escape heartache, but always submitted control of the hard times to His will and plan. Thanks to their love and their faith in the Lord, I was delivered from the disease that enslaved me and given the chance to start a new life that was lived in the realization of the blessing of being out of control. I am not perfect and never will be...but I am free.

I still struggle in other ways with the attempt to control things in my life. I worry about things that are not important like keeping my house spotless. I am still young and have so much to learn. I have been introduced to the responsibility for another human life, and appreciate all the more all of the sacrifices that my parents made and all of the prayers that they said. I am by no means an expert in parenting and do not attempt to give advice to people that have much more experience than I do. I just wanted to share the blessing that it was for me to have godly parents striving to do exactly what so many of us are .

I only hope that I can live my own life in a way that points my son toward the cross. It is my prayer that as my child grows, he will be more familiar with my head bowed in prayer than with my obsessive need to get the laundry done.

please pray

2005-01-16T21:29:00.000-06:00

We pray for the Cope family and especially for sweet Christopher. We also pray for the Folwell, Lemmons and Bennett families. We grieve with the Bourland family in their loss and pray God's peace over their spirits. May angels surround them all tonight.

You can follow my links to Mike Cope's blog for more information and updates. There is also information on BST's blog and Val Durrington's blog which is http://vdurrington.blogspot.com/

Happy Birthday Dad

2005-01-13T10:53:00.000-06:00

I have to post twice today, because I also want to say Happy Birthday to my sweet dad.

Today my dad is 60 years old. He has lived an amazing life, and has given so much to so many people. He is one of the most loving, unselfish people I have ever known, and I will never be able to say thank you enough for the love he has given me, the example of his life, the sacrifices he has made. He has given us a heritage of faith and has always put his family first. He never thinks twice about giving. Through all he has been through medically, it has been clear that God wanted to keep him here and that he had more for him to do...we are so thankful for that and for the life that you have lived, Dad and we look forward to many more memories.

I am so thankful to be able to pass on his heritage to my baby, and I hope that each time my little boy writes his name, he will think of his Poppy and the wonderful man that he is.

So, happy birthday, Roy Franklin Tyndall. I hope you know that we all love you very much, especially Jack Franklin Pinson.

a prayer for my baby boy

2005-01-13T10:12:00.000-06:00

It never gets old to witness someone put on Christ in baptism. It never fails to put a lump in my throat as I watch someone make that life changing decision; as they proclaim Christ boldly before their new brothers and sisters.

Last night we performed the first half of "The Bema". There was a wonderful response and I can't wait until next week when we do the second half. We performed it in October on a weekend in the youth center, and I am so thankful that God opened the door for the whole congregation to see this life-changing drama.

After service, a young girl was baptized. Once again I sat there with a lump in my throat, along with the feeling that has become very familiar to me ever since July 28, 2004. You see that is the day that my precious son was born. Ever since that day, when I see someone baptized, especially a child, all I can think of is Jack. I am reminded of the day that I was baptized, a young girl who could barely see over the baptistry. Last night as I watched that little girl who was also too tiny to be seen except on the screen above, I was moved by that image of a little child coming to Jesus. But what was most powerful was the conviction with which she made her confession. As always, it brought me to tears and was a reminder of the bold and unwavering faith that God calls us to.

In that moment, I thought of my tiny baby boy and the day that he would make that same decision. I am a new parent, and I have already realized the great honor and responsibility we have to pray for our children. I believe it is important to pray for every aspect of their life of course. Their health, their happiness, their mate (should God's will be for them to be married).
But the most important thing we can pray for our children, every single day, is that they will give their lives to Christ; that they will make the choice for Him to be the Lord of their life, and will spend their lives seeking His will and doing all for His glory.

Today, my prayer is for my son, and I wanted to write it down so that I could share it with Him each day of his life.

My sweet Baby Jack,
I love you so much and I am so thankful that God made you my son. Out of all the angels in heaven, he sent us such a special one and I pray that each day of your life you know just how much your daddy and I love you and thank God for you. Although our love for you is so deep, it can never even compare to the awesome love that God has for you. We will fail you sometimes because we are imperfect. The only thing that keeps us going is the love and grace of God, which is completely perfect. God's love saved us from our sin and renews us each day even when we continue to fall. The Bible tells us that one day every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. God gives us the amazing blessing to choose to do that now! Our prayer for you is that you will seek the Lord and that one day, when you are ready, you will choose to give your life to Him. God loves you so much. He created you to be a beautiful person and you will always be His child. We are so thankful that He has let you also be our child. We love you and pray for you each day. We pray that you will love the Lord and that you will one day choose to put Him on in baptism and confess His name outloud. Until that day comes, we will never cease to pray that we will live our own lives in a way that leads you towards the cross and to that choice. We count it an amazing blessing to be your parents and we will always be here to pray for you and with you. Know that we love you and are so very proud of you.
Love, Mommy and Daddy

I cannot imagine the great joy that I will feel on the day that Jack is baptized. I know that the road leading up to that day will be full of opportunities for me to share God's love with my child, and I pray that I will take hold of those. I pray that I will always live my own life in a way that shows Him a physical reminder of the love of Christ.

I know I have a great responsibility in getting him to that day.

And then, once that day comes...the real journey will begin!

Resolution

2005-01-04T09:40:00.000-06:00

I resolve to have a broken heart.

Not a line you hear every day, I know...but bear with me. It seems that I have so desensitized myself to the evil and broken world that we live in that I can watch the news and think, "That is so sad", but then I go on with my day and often give no more thought to the horrific pain, suffering, and sin that exists all around me.

I have many "resolutions" this year, as usual...lose the baby weight, read more, drink more water,begin my graduate studies and work towards my job goals...blah, blah, blah...WHO CARES? If I am not making it my business, my priority, my LIFE to glorify the Lord, then my life is worthless. Rick spoke Sunday about boldness, about truly living Paul's words that, "to live is Christ". He made the point that yes, life is hard and we will fail...but JESUS IS LORD, and there is no mistake that we can make that will keep God from being glorified if we make that our priority.

In 2004, my life was definitely changed. I was introduced to the responsibility for another human life, and to a love that is greater than any I have ever known before. But in the midst of all this, I fear I have become even more self-centered. I love my baby boy, and I know that God wants me to do all I can do to be a good mommy, a good role model and disciple to him. But I know that even that is not my greatest responsibility in this life.

TO LIVE IS CHRIST.

Christ's heart is broken at the sight of our sin. It is broken at the sight of all who are lost and are not being reached out to. His heart is broken for the people of Asia, the people of Africa and Iraq, and for the person next door to us that we have not shared His love with.

My prayer tonight for this new year is that my heart would be broken for the things that break my Lord's heart. My prayer is that I will live boldly; that I will not live my life safely, but in a manner that drives fear into the heart of the evil that lurks outside my door. My prayer is that God will break my heart. That He will break my heart and fill it with His love, His heart, and His will alone.

If I can truly take my focus off of me and put it onto Christ and His children, then maybe I can finally wrap my head and heart around the amazing promise contained in the second half of the verse...TO DIE IS GAIN.

The best is yet to come.

christmas past

2004-12-22T01:20:00.000-06:00

It's one in the morning...my husband is sleeping...my 5 month old is sleeping...but I am not...what am I doing? Wrapping Christmas presents! One in the morning didn't use to seem that late...but now it is only a few mere hours until waking up time in the Pinson household...but there's that thing about the holidays that makes me lose all sense of normalcy...In the quiet of the house...the only sound being that last load of laundry before packing begins...I am remembering many of my favorite holiday memories...here are just a few...

...my grandma's pancakes on christmas morning...she makes them in the shape of our initials...now that takes talent! it was great until my cousin michael wanted her to make them for he and his friend, only he wanted first and last names...and my grandma...being the saint that she is...made them!

...decorating the christmas tree...one ornament at a time...while alternating between the anne murray and oakridge boys christmas records...that makes me feel a little old!

...my baby brother (who is now 20!) singing his favorite christmas song, "Baby Jesus in a Manger" over and over until he got it just right...

...my baby brother telling Santa Claus that his name was "Bradley Tyndall Hardin Ralph...but I call myself Ralph"...not every day you hear that from a three year old!

...my baby brother taping a sock to his face and playing Santa Claus...and the sad home video that we have of me as a 3rd grader doing the same thing a few hours later, trying to pass the idea off as my own...

...and of course, my baby brother yelling as we took off in the plane for north carolina at 5 am, "Up, Up and Away!" (along with some other things that I will not mention on this blog for fear he may never speak to me again...

...my sister emily's story of the most "BEAUUUUUUUUTIFUL girl to be given the most BEAUUUUUUUUUTIFUL present", chosen by Santa Claus...her name being, of course, "Emily Tyndall"...all this being told with a very beautiful and flattering rug burn on her nose!

...baking with my mom in the kitchen...

...watching my poppa play Santa...

...spending christmas in south dakota...

...spending christmas in north carolina where I always feel closer to my dad than anywhere else by getting to see him in a place he loves so much...

...my aunt Marianne going NUTS over the school bus toy that Bradley got...yeah, you had to be there...

...the amazing cookie swap party that my mom threw for my sister and me and our friends, which we recently re-created for our cutie cousin Melissa Jo...

...not being able to go sleep, and not being able to leave the bedroom after a certain time, therefore resulting in my sister and I running laps around the room until we finally passed out!

...lining up in the hallway, in age order, with all the cousins...waiting to see what Santa brought us...

...sleeping upstairs in the loft on the farm and listening very closely for sleighbells...

...the bowie gift exchange...better named as the battle of the sexes...

...the gunfight videos...only in our family would children (and adults!) be dressed up as outlaws and stage a gunfight for a video camera!

...all of us piled on the floor in my grandparents bedroom, trying very hard not to giggle and to go to sleep...very difficult if you know my sister who is 21 and still a...what's the word...gigglebox!

...having my family set up a christmas tree and even a faux fireplace in the hospital room where I lived for six months in the years 1998-1999, and bringing Christmas to me...not the most fun place to spend the holidays, but with my wonderful family, I almost forgot where I was...

...losing my sanity and letting Santa explode all over our college house in Abilene...something I think my roommates will never let me live down, and I don't think that they should!

...celebrating an engagement to the love of my life in 2002...and then in 2003 learning that we would receive the beautiful blessing who is now sleeping peacefully down the hall...

So many memories, and those are only a few...I am so excited about our first Christmas as a family of three...we can't wait to start making our own memories...I know I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful family who loves to share the holidays...not only that, but I married into a family like that also...I am doubly blessed!

God, who in His grace, gave us His son, also gave us the precious gift of family and friends...the gift of time that He gave us is one we can pass on...I hope that during this holiday season we will not forget to slow down and spend time with those He has blessed us with...oh sure, i got some fun and memorable presents over the years, but notice that those didn't make the list...my favorite times are the simple ones...cuddling up in our pajamas and laughing for hours at home videos...reading the christmas story from the Bible, the Night Before Christmas, and the Polar Express...eating till we are sick, taking a nap, and then eating again...cherishing more fully than any time of year the gift of Jesus in our lives...

People often say that Christmas is not about gifts...but it is about THE GIFT...the hope that was brought to us in the form of a baby boy, as innocent as my precious child asleep in his crib, yet powerful enough to save the world...and the promise that we have of eternal life because He never stops giving us the gift that is His mercy and love...

In this holiday season, I am humbled at how undeserving I am, and so encouraged and thankful that God in all His glory does not look at it that way...What a blessing that we have the example of the ultimate giver to follow and that His gift is free to all...even me...